Idris Academy: Homecoming
by lostinstars
Summary: It's Alec's senior year at Idris Academy and Homecoming is fast approaching. He has managed to so far keep a low profile, but when the topic of who he wants to ask to the dance is broached, things begin to unravel. Can he keep his sexuality - and his feelings for Magnus, his best friend - a secret, or will the truth find its way out? **cross-posted on AO3**
1. When Alec Met Magnus

Idris Academy wasn't so bad.

Alec had hated it, at first. Everyone else loved it, but Alec wasn't everyone else. Sure, it was pretty, he supposed. But it was far too ostentatious. It was a huge, towering, castle-like set of buildings arranged around a ridiculous glass structure in the centre. That was where the administration buildings were housed, and the ballroom.

That's right. Idris Academy had a ballroom.

He didn't know why it was so flashy. Ok, so it was technically a private school, one that boasted first-class education. But it was also the only decent high school for miles around, so pretty much everybody who grew up in the town of Idris went there. Their town was rather out of the way, nestled deep in the foothills and forests of New England. Some rich families from elsewhere sent their kids there but it wasn't a boarding school or anything so they were few and far between.  
Idris Academy did, however, have excellent teachers, excellent facilities and a high acceptance to the Ivy-Leagues. It was a great school to go to.

But Alec had hated it.

Because for the first time in his life, he had been alone. He'd been alright to start Kindergarten alone. And then Elementary, and even Middle school.

But then things had changed. Jace had joined their family, and along with Izzy, the three of them had grown inseparable.

And the other thing.

The thing that Alec had refused to acknowledge, even to himself.

The thing he couldn't bring himself to think, let alone say out loud.

It had made him feel so horribly alone in the world. It had made him feel like the world was out to get him, to make his life a living nightmare. Izzy and Jace had been the only bright lights in an otherwise damned and dark world for so many years.

Then, since Jace was a year younger and Izzy two, he had to leave them to face High School alone.

He was already tall for his age, and stood out even more for his unusual colouring of dark hair and blue eyes set against pale skin.

Next to Izzy and Jace, no-one had ever cast him a second look. Why would they? Even if they had, everything about him from his slumped posture to his perpetually guarded expression screamed hostile.

But now it was a whole new story. He was alone, and had to navigate High school all by himself – at least for a year, until Jace joined him.

The first few months were pure hell.

He could tell that Izzy and Jace were worried about him, when he'd come home and shut himself away in his room. He told them he had a lot of homework, but that was a lie. He was fairly clever – you had to be, to pass the Idris entrance exam - and was doing well in all his classes without too much effort.

But the stress of being alone and having to navigate the jungle of teenage social life as well keeping his terrible secret, drained him.

And then, a miracle occurred, in the form of a glitzy, colourful, cocky boy with a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat and sparkling gold-green eyes.

Magnus Bane burst into his life one dreary Thursday afternoon in late fall when they'd been paired randomly in AP Chem lab.

Alec had deigned to exchange the usual pleasantries, of course, but then settled down to work. Seeing as it was an AP class, he'd assumed that Magnus could do the same with little communication between the two of them.

He'd been wrong.

Well, partially wrong. Magnus could do the work; he was one of the brightest students in the entire year. Unfortunately, he also had a dangerously reckless curiosity about him, which funnily enough, did not pair well with the handling of volatile chemicals.

The lab had been evacuated post-explosion, and both Alec and Magnus had been given detention for a week. No matter how much Alec protested that it hadn't been him handling the chemicals, they'd been a team and would suffer the consequences as such.

Alec had hated his life even more after that, especially since the detentions earned him a stern lecture and grounding by his strict parents.

He'd been ready to hate Magnus Bane with a burning passion for the rest of their time at Idris Academy. He'd tried, quite hard.

But by the end of the week, they'd been best friends. Magnus had worked his magic, spent his charm, and even the impenetrable Alec Lightwood had not been insusceptible, unable to resist the intrigue of the strangely beautiful boy. They'd been inseparable ever since.

Magnus had introduced Alec to his mismatch group of friends, and Alec found that he'd stumbled into a social life.

There was Will, known to the rest of the student body as 'dark brooding hottie', but to his friends as 'sweet playful troublemaker'.

There was Tessa, the tall, regally beautiful brunette who was soft-spoken but firm and forceful in her handling of Magnus and Will's more irresponsible, hazardous actions.

And there was Jem, the quiet silver-haired boy who always backed Tessa up, but whom Will could always persuade to join in their shenanigans.

Alec found that all of a sudden, he was happy. And it was all down to Magnus.

He told himself that the warm feeling he felt whenever he saw Magnus was because of that, because of their friendship, because of how grateful he was to the boy.

He told himself that his skin only tingled when Magnus touched him because he was shy, and not used to being touched.

He told himself all kinds of lies, and continued to lie to himself through the next couple of years.

It was pretty easy, most of the time. Magnus was his best friend, of course he liked to see him and be near him and spend time with him.

But the hardest lies to tell himself were when Magnus dated.

Magnus liked to have fun. He liked beautiful things. He liked indulging in all kinds of pleasures, with all kinds of people.

He had been openly bisexual since he'd started at Idris Academy and it was no secret that he willingly dated both girls and boys. Lots of them.

Alec cared about him, he knew that. It was normal, for a best friend…right?

It was completely understandable that he'd be protective of Magnus, that he didn't want to see his best friend get hurt. Will, Jem and Tessa were the same.

Those lies were the hardest, because it was blindingly obvious that their other friends did not share his worries; at least not to the same extent.

Even so, he lied. And he lied to himself that he believed those lies.

But it was ok, and life went on. He was happy. Jace started school the next year and got on well with all of Alec's friends; especially Will. The two of them quickly achieved the school record for most double detentions ever served. Magnus liked to tease them about it, but they were proud of that fact!

The year after that Izzy joined them, and got on with Magnus like a house on fire. They'd known each other before of course, Magnus and Alec had spent a considerable amount of time at each other's houses, and Magnus had spent plenty of time with his siblings over summers. But having them at the same school was a different story. If anyone thought Will and Jace were bad, Magnus and Izzy were on a different level. Constantly scheming, constantly giggling together. Alec had been the recipient of more than one forced fashion make-over and nobody had wanted to get in the way of the hurricane that was Magnus and Izzy to help him.

Two more joined their little group, a small redhead named Clary, whom Izzy sat next to in homeroom and who started dating Jace a few weeks into the school year. And her best friend Simon, a friendly if slight gawky, bespectacled boy. Alec liked Simon immediately, bonding over their mutual awkwardness.

All in all, most things in Alec's life were pretty great.

Until Camille.

For the years Alec had known him, though Magnus had dated a lot, it had never been serious. Magnus had confided in him an inherent lack of trust in people, the reason he opened up to only a few closest friends (and Alec felt warmly gratified to be included) and preferred keeping his romantic conquests at a distance.

Magnus had not had a happy childhood. His parents had both been killed in a car accident when he'd been eight years old so Magnus had been taken in by his mothers' closest friends, Catarina and Ragnor, who had been unable to have children of their own.

Alec was sure there was more of a story where his parents were concerned, but that was a piece of the story Magnus kept hidden from everybody.

Still, he had been careful with his heart. Until Camille.

He had fallen for her so fast and so hard, Alec remembered. Their romance had lasted only a few months during their Junior year, but they had been the worst few months of Alec's life. Magnus hadn't abandoned him, but Alec almost wished he had. When Camille wasn't hanging around them, glued to Magnus' side, he was talking about her, showing pictures of her, or thinking about her. The last was the worst, when Alec tried to get Magnus' attention and he'd snapped out of a dreamy gaze, and Alec knew exactly who had been occupying his mind. It was the worst because even when she wasn't around, Alec felt as though she were still there, wrapped inextricably around Magnus.

That was when Alec couldn't lie to himself anymore.

He'd gone home and cried, the day that Magnus announced that he was in love with Camille. Until then, Alec had tried to wait it out. He'd been waiting for Magnus to get sick of her and move on. That was until Camille had drifted into school one day, squeezed herself in-between Alec and Magnus, kissed Magnus passionately and Alec had caught sight of the jewel around her neck.

Magnus' mothers jewel.

It was a beautifully cut ruby stone on a long, silver chain and besides a few old pictures, it was the only thing Magnus had to remember his mother by.  
Alec had locked himself in his room and let the tide of emotions free, the emotions he was no longer strong enough to restrain.

Jace had been at football practice and their parents working thank goodness, but Izzy had been home.

She'd knocked on his door and he wasn't quite sure why, but he'd let her in. He'd told her everything, fighting to get the words out through the tightness in his throat, the pain in his chest. Though his hands had shaken the whole time and he hadn't been able to hold back the tears, he'd gotten it out.

She'd hugged him, and told him that it was ok. That it was more than ok, that he was perfect. She'd already known, she told him, since they'd been in middle school together.

He'd just been relieved to finally get his big secret off his chest, even if it was only to one person. He'd made her swear not to tell, though she'd tried to persuade him that no-one would see him any differently.

He couldn't believe that though. He knew how it would go. Everyone would start to push him and Magnus together, Camille or no Camille. Everyone always thought that gay kids would get together just because they were both gay.

Alec didn't know what would be worse; if Magnus laughed off the suggestions of a relationship with Alec because of Camille, or if he eventually broke up with Camille and still laughed it off.

Alec couldn't bear the thought of not being friends with Magnus, with the beautiful boy who had turned his world around, because of an awkwardness that could be avoided simply by his silence. No matter how painful it was to be by his side watching him with Camille, Alec would suffer it, to be by his side.

And then it had been over, all of a sudden. Magnus had come to him in the middle of the night, his make-up tear-smudged, his expression lost and broken. He didn't say exactly what had happened, just that it was over.

Alec's heart had broken, for his beautiful, brave boy who had struggled to love for so long, had given it a chance, and been stabbed in the back.  
He didn't deserve it.

Magnus had crawled into Alec's bed and Alec had held him till the morning, stroking his hair and weeping with him.

He couldn't even bring himself to feel relieved that Camille was no longer in their lives; he just wanted Magnus to be ok.

And Magnus was, after a while. He learnt how to smile again, found his humor and his sarcasm. Their lives got back on track and he started dating again, but even more distantly than before.

Izzy had come to Alec that summer, a spark in her eyes.

"You should go for it, Alec!" She'd told him, eyes shining. "You wouldn't do what Camille did…you won't hurt him!" He wouldn't, she was right. But through all his bravado Alec knew that Magnus was still hurting. He didn't know if he would ever get over Camille, not entirely. He saw it in his eyes every time they ran into her at school.

Summer passed and still, Alec kept quiet. Then school started and Magnus told them about Axel; a beautiful dark haired boy with blue eyes who went to the community college in their town.

Alec searched his expression, finding no sign of lingering pain. His heart had broken once again and he decided that enough was enough.

He had to give up on Magnus.


	2. Dances and Dates

"Alec!"

He was welcomed to their usual table with a piercing shriek courtesy of Izzy, who grabbed his arm and pulled him down between her and Magnus, where they sat with the rest of their motley crew.

"Hi, Izzy." Alec greeted her, making sure that she hadn't unbalanced anything on his tray with her exuberance. "Nice to see you too. What's up?"

She gave him the filthiest look she could muster. If looks could kill.

"How can you ASK that?!" She cried. "You know what today is!"

Alec was still confused.

"Sure…um…" he looked around helplessly. Will, Jem and Tessa were in their own little world as per usual, Jace was preoccupied with the food in front of him and Clary and Simon were sniggering at Izzy's expression. "Today is…"

Magnus winked at him on his other side and mimed ballroom dancing, throwing his arms out dramatically, making Clary and Simon choke on their mouthfuls as they burst out laughing.

"Er, right. Homecoming was announced?"

"Yes!" Izzy clapped her hands in excitement.

"Cool. What's the theme?" He picked up his slice of pizza and took a large bite. "Ow!" he exclaimed as his shoulder received a hard blow.

"Oh, bro." Jace laughed, shaking his head.

Izzy looked horrified. "Alec! Do you walk around with your eyes closed?"

"Give him a break, Izzy." Will smiled good naturedly. "You are way too excited over this thing."

"This thing? This THING?" Izzy now directed her death glare at him – a weaker man would have quailed. "This _thing_ is the biggest dance of the YEAR, bar Prom! Am I the only one excited about getting to dress up and look fabulous?!"

"You are not, my dear." Magnus leaned in, grinning. "I, for one, am exceedingly excited – but then, I do look fabulous every day, so it's not really going to be any different for me."

He ducked as Clary sent a bread roll flying toward him.

"Yes, we are excited Izzy." The redhead spoke up. "But to be honest, I think that _Simon_ here is the most excited." She winked at him and he flushed scarlet.

Alec hadn't noticed the big grin he'd been sporting when he sat down, but he saw now that Simon looked more flustered than usual.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"The theme," Izzy cut in "is James Bond, and what's going on, is I already have myself a dashing date." She grinned at Simon, while Will, Jace and Magnus cat-called.

"What?" Alec cried, astonished.

They'd all known that Simon had been in love with Izzy since the moment he'd set eyes on her on their first day over a year ago. None of them had thought, however, that he would ever have found the guts to ask her out, or that in the unlikely occasion that he did, that she would actually say yes.

But now that Alec was looking between them, Izzy's dark eyes unusually bright, he wondered how they'd all missed the signs of her reciprocating Simon's feelings.

"When did this happen?"

"Oh, Alec." Izzy sighed in exasperation. "It's already midday! The announcement was three whole hours ago! You can bet that most people have dates already. In fact, we all do, except for you!" She frowned at him as though his lack of a date to a dance that had been news for three whole hours was the saddest, most disappointing thing she'd ever heard.

"How do you know I don't have a date?" Alec was affronted. Magnus raised his eyebrows as Izzy looked at him, sceptically.

"Do you?"

"Well, no…"

"See!"

Alec sighed. "Alright, I give. Who's everyone going with then?"

It was a rhetorical question, really, and slyly directed at Magnus. Obviously Jace and Clary were going together; they'd been attached at the hip since they'd started dating. Will, Tessa and Jem all had a _thing_ going on that nobody questioned. They were sort of all together but not...it wasn't technically official, but none of them dated anyone else. Alec wasn't sure the three of them even knew exactly what they were, but it seemed to work for them. And now, apparently, Simon and Izzy were dating. Everybody knew that Magnus had been seeing Axel, but nobody had met him yet and Alec didn't know how serious it was.

"I don't know if I have a date yet." Magnus announced, and Alec's heart flipped.

Everyone on the table swivelled to stare at him, questioning. He grinned smugly, loving the attention. He dragged out the silence, pretending to be oblivious, splaying his hands to critique the smooth black polish he had on today.

"Well?" Alec asked when he could bear it no more. "What about Axel?"

He missed the way Clary switched her gaze to him.

Magnus sighed theatrically.

"Axel is del-icious, I do admit." He drawled, in a seductive tone. "But I just don't know if he's the one!" He slumped to the table in mock exhaustion.

Everyone but Alec burst out laughing at his theatrics.

"Magnus." Tessa smiled, shaking her head. "Nobody is going to be the one if you don't give anybody a chance."

"And we haven't even gotten a chance to meet the poor boy." Jace complained. "You have to have a good reason to write him off, like for example, how he swoons when he sees how much better all of this" he motioned to his body "is than whatever you've got hidden under there." He waved a hand at Magnus' flamboyant outfit, which today comprised of a bright silver silk shirt tucked into dark green pants that clung to his body, showing off his lean figure.

Alec had long since mastered the art of surreptitiously checking him out, though he had to admit, Magnus didn't make it any easier when he insisted on wearing such tight clothing.

Clary shot a reprimanding glare at Jace, thumping him on the arm as Magnus winked at him.

"Oh he's seen pictures and trust me darling, he really wasn't that impressed."

Jace clutched his heart in mock offense.

"Ok, ok!" Izzy called them all to order. "Magnus, I don't know what the hell you do with your love life, and quite frankly, I don't care."

"Izzy!" Alec shook his head apologetically.

"He knows I mean no harm Alec! All I mean is that Axel or no Axel, he will have a date, so I don't have to worry about him."

"She's not wrong." Magnus agreed, self-depreciatingly.

"So," Izzy continued. "Do you know who you're asking?"

Alec felt a surge of horror, turning wide eyed to his sister. He tried to communicate with her telepathically; _Izzy. What the hell are you doing._

She ignored him, and suddenly all the attention was on him.

"I – uhm…I don't want a date." It sounded lame, even to him.

"That's fine Alec." Jem came to his rescue, as he flushed in hypocrisy at his own words. "You don't have to ask anyone." He shot Izzy a look, one that he always gave her when she overstepped her boundaries. Aka – often.

"Are you sure there's no-one you'd like to ask..?" Clary trailed off, suggestively.

Alec shot her a confused look. "I'm sure."

Magnus was uncharacteristically silent beside him, but he didn't dare catch his eye. He needed his blush to fade.

"It's ok bro." Jace said. "I'll set you up."

 _What._

Alec now turned his horrified look upon his adoptive brother, who was wearing the same grin he wore whenever he and Will were up to no good.

Once upon a time, a look like that would have had Alec's heart racing, but now, he just wanted to strangle him.

"I don't need setting up Jace." He said dangerously. Why wasn't lunch over yet?

"It's no trouble, dude." Jace winked. "I'll get you a cheerleader!"

"Alec doesn't want a cheerleader." Simon cut in, sarcastically.

"Thank you, Simon."

"He wants someone he can actually have an intellectual conversation with, and I know just the girl!" Simon continued and Alec's face fell. "She's in our art class, and she's great. Smart, pretty." He nodded at Alec. "You'd look so cute together."

"Cheerleaders can be smart, dude. Don't be sour just 'cause you never had any luck-"

"Fine, ok, they can be smart. But this girl is perfect for Alec-"

Alec glared at Izzy again as Jace and Simon argued back and forth and this time, she had the grace to look ashamed.

"Um…its ok guys, you don't have to do that." She cut in quickly, trying to backpeddle the mess she'd gotten Alec into. "Everyone knows I'm the best at matchmaking, I'll find him the best date there is!"

 _I'm sorry!_ She mouthed at him.

Alec just groaned. _Izzy what have you done._ He knew she only ever meant well, but right now, she'd thrown him deep into a hole he wasn't sure he could climb out of.

He closed his eyes and tuned them out for the rest of their lunch period as they argued over who was going to find him the best date.

.

Alec and Magnus were sprawled on the floor of Alec's bedroom and surrounded by a mound of books, sheets of paper, pens and pencils. Only a month into the school year and they were already besieged with homework.

Alec sighed as he flipped through his journal, realising how much more he had left to do. They had already been at it for two hours.

"Bio is going to be the death of me." He stated, pulling a thick textbook toward him.

"Alec, you're going to be pre-med. I plan on you surviving through college, at least." Magnus winked playfully.

"Oh, and why's what? Because you need someone alive to drag your sorry ass through to graduation?" He grinned at the boy lounging next to him. He was partially joking; Magnus was even smarter than Alec, Alec was first to admit. But he didn't care as much about grades (correction: his parents didn't care as much about grades) and had dedicated his academic success thus far many times to Alec, who always made sure he got his assignments in on time.

Magnus grinned at him. "Well you're the only one I'd let drag my ass anywhere, so yes, Lightwood, that is why."

Alec flushed. He was well used to Magnus' flirting by now, he flirted with everybody. But sometimes it was hard to tell himself that he didn't mean anything by it.

"So," he said in a conversational tone, looking back to the book in front of him. "What about Homecoming, eh?"

"You mean Axel?" Magnus deadpanned.

Damn. He always saw right through him. Sometimes Alec couldn't believe that he'd managed to keep his crush a secret for so long. Magnus was usually so good at reading people. He'd heard somewhere that people saw what they wanted to see though. And he'd long since come to terms with the fact that Magnus just wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. He'd had plenty of opportunities through the years, opportunities he'd taken with every other person he'd been attracted to. Alec knew that Magnus thought he was straight, but that hadn't stopped him before. He'd always been wildly confident. He didn't mind getting shot down but he always gave it a go. With everyone but Alec.

"Well, I was assuming that you'd bring him. Then we could all check him out. See if he's good enough." He poked Magnus swiftly in the side, where he knew they boy had a weak spot.

Magnus jumped at his touch, smiling. "You don't have to worry, he's not going to hurt me. I – I actually was thinking of ending it. So yeah, I'm not sure about Homecoming."

"Oh, really?" Alec's heart jumped again and he cursed himself.

"Yeah…he's just…not _quite_ what I'm looking for." Alec couldn't discern the tone in his voice.

"I didn't realise you were looking." He flipped through a couple of pages, looking for the topic they'd been studying.

"I'm not." Magnus said cryptically, sounding amused.

Alec sighed. He knew better than to delve deeper. He didn't want to know about Magnus' love life anyway.

"What about you, anyway?" Magnus changed the focus. "It seems our friends are in no way overbearing or inappropriately invested in the lives of others!"

Alec suppressed a grin, shaking his head ruefully. "I want to strangle them all."

Magnus laughed. "I can understand why you wouldn't want to announce it at lunch – it'd be all over the school by fourth period – but is there anyone? That you'd like to ask, I mean? You can tell me." He ducked his head conspiratorially.

This time Alec couldn't stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks. He wanted more than anything to say yes. He wanted to be brave. He wished he were the kind of person who could easily admit their feelings, throwing caution to the wind, risking everything. If he were, he'd sit up, look Magnus straight in the eye and ask him. If the answer was yes, great. If it was no, he wished he would have been able to not let it break him. But he knew that it would.

So he refused the urge to look at Magnus, staring intently at the page in front of him.

"No. There's no-one."

He hoped that Magnus would mistake the redness of his skin as embarrassment for being hopelessly, perpetually single. Or a shyness for the subject. Either way he picked up his pen and started his work, marking the end of their conversation.

He didn't see the intense, indecipherable look in Magnus' eyes, or the pursing of his lips before he looked away and continued with his own work.


	3. Alec's Bad Day

Alec was particularly flustered the next morning.

Magnus had talked him into watching a movie instead of finishing their homework the night before, and he hadn't wanted to fall behind so had stayed up late to get it all done.

He didn't have to work so hard, but it was easier to deal with his parents when he did. They were extremely successful corporate lawyers, and had attempted to install into all of their children from an early age the importance of hard work and upholding family honour and expectations.

Alec was the only one who had listened, and was frequently teased by Izzy and Jace for being such a suck-up.

But he was painfully aware that he was never going to be the son his parents desired. They were immovably traditional, accepting only the most conventional of lifestyles.

They didn't know about his… _preferences_ …of course, but Alec was aware that one day they would probably find out, whether he liked it or not. He was doing his utmost to make sure that day was far, far in the future, but just in case he did everything he could to be perfect in every other way.

That way, perhaps they wouldn't throw him out of the house if/when they found out.

Then again, maybe they would anyway.

He gulped down the last of his coffee, praying that the caffeine would kick in sooner rather than later.

Jace and Izzy had already left in Jace's car, both having activities after school. Alec never hung around for longer than he had to and so often drove alone.

He grabbed his bag and ran out the door, the events of the previous day forgotten in his rush.

He was reminded as soon as he set foot in the building.

"Alec!"

He turned to see Jace jogging toward him, blonde hair falling into his eyes, wearing a devilish expression.

"So," Jace smirked, as he caught up.

Alec raised an eyebrow.

"I've been talking you up to Helen."

Alec groaned, suddenly remembering his brother's promise.

"No."

"Yes, I have actually." Jace grinned.

"I don't want to go to the dance with Helen Blackthorn, Jace."

"Why not?! She's hot."

Alec shot him a reproachful look.

"What?" Jace threw his hands up. "I know I'm with Clary. I don't want to date her, but I still have eyes! Anyway. She thinks you're totally hot too." He winked and shoved Alec playfully.

Alec flushed, despite himself.

"I appreciate it Jace," that was a lie, he didn't appreciate it at all. Not one bit. "But I really don't need you to set me up."

"Fine, fine. But Helen is going to be off the market soon! Let me know if you change your mind, ok?"

He clapped Alec on the shoulder and jogged off, to where Clary was unloading her sketchbooks into her locker. Alec watched him grab her from behind, kissing her on the cheek. Clary shrieked and hit him on the shoulder, before grinning and turning to kiss him hello.

They looked so happy. So normal.

He wished more than anything that he could have that. To feel free to express his feelings for someone so easily in public.

He sighed and closed his locker, heading to his first class.

Little did he know that it was going to be a very, very long day.

.

His first class had just ended and he was already feeling in need of more caffeine. He was yawning widely as he heard his name.

"Alec!"

He turned around with some trepidation as he entered the hallway to see his sister coming up behind him.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him away into a quieter corridor off the main thoroughfare.

"Alec, I'm so sorry." She looked up at him, her dark eyes wide and pleading. He hadn't seen her since lunch the previous day, she'd had martial arts class after school then spent the evening with Clary.

"I didn't think through what I was saying. I just – I was so excited about Simon having finally asked me; I was beginning to think that boy couldn't take a hint!" She huffed in frustration, shaking her head. "I wanted you to be happy too. I wanted you to enjoy a dance for once. You never have fun, you work too hard and I know it's partly my fault!"

He was confused.

"Izzy, its ok…it is. Well, I wish they hadn't gone crazy. But what do you mean it's your fault?"

She looked down, biting her lip. "With mom and dad. I know Jace and I don't make it easy for you, I know you feel like you have to be perfect because we don't care what they think of us. We do, we just…they shouldn't be able to dictate our lives! Or yours."

He sighed. "Izzy, it's not because of you. It's because…well, I just…" he looked around, as if the words he was searching for would materialise in the air. He hadn't had enough coffee for a conversation like this.

"Look, they're not going to be happy with me when…"

"When you come out." She supplied, and he nodded, gulping.

"Right. So they don't need multiple things to hate me for." He laughed humourlessly.

"Alec." She laid a hand on his arm. "They are not going to hate you." He gave her an incredulous look and she smiled.

"Ok. Look, they might not like it. But why does that matter? Like I said, they shouldn't be able to dictate your life. I may not have been thinking at lunch, and I am sorry. But I want you to be happy. It's ok if you don't feel ready to come out right now, but what about dating even? It's been months since you said you were over Magnus."

"Izzy!" He hissed, looking wildly around.

"Shush, there's no-one else here." She continued. "I didn't buy it, by the way, but he's dating again so fine. We'll find you someone else."

"I – what?"

"Now it's kind of hard because Magnus is the only out dude in school…so I made you a profile on Grindr-"

"WHAT." Alec yelled, forgetting that their conversation was private. "You did WHAT."

"Relax." She waved him off, pulling out her phone. "Look, it's completely anonymous. You don't have to tell them anything about yourself until you've hit it off, then it's your decision." She brought up the app, scrolling through the photos that came up. "These are your matches, see? You don't have to do anything, I'll screen your messages of course, make sure they're not creepy old dudes-"

"IZZY." He was horrified. "Give me that!" He made a grab for her phone but she danced out of reach, just as the bell rang.

"Oops! Gotta be going! Don't worry bro, I've got ya. We're going to find you a real hot boyfriend!" With that she skipped off, her sheet of dark hair swinging behind her.

Alec sank back against the wall, closing his eyes. That did not just happen.

.

Alec dragged himself to his next class, feeling grateful that it was only study hall. Usually he used the hour to actually study, unlike most of the students. But today he felt he could really just use a rest.

He spotted Simon's curly, bespectacled head at a table in the corner and went to join him, grateful that he shared that class with a friend. However tired he was, he would feel awkward doing nothing alone.

"Hey!" Simon greeted him, looking up from his latest comic.

"Hey." Alec slumped down into the chair next to him, laying his forehead on the table.

"Wow. What's up?" Simon asked sympathetically.

Alec turned to glare at him. "Your girlfriend."

Simon spluttered. "She's not – we're not – I mean –" He flushed a shade of dark red.

"Hmm." Alec narrowed his eyes. "By the way, do I need to have the older brother talk with you?"

"N-no…come on, dude…we're friends…you know I would never…Izzy is…"

Alec chuckled, despite his tiredness. "It's ok, Simon."

The other boy sighed in relief, glaring at him.

"I know that if you hurt her, Izzy will murder you long before I have the chance to." He continued.

"Hmph. I know." Simon looked put out. "Do you mind not freaking me out? I'm freaked out enough as it is."

He did look mildly terrified, Alec supposed, if the wild look in his eyes was anything to go by. But then again, fear was normal when faced with such a monumental challenge as was dating Izzy. She'd strutted catwalk style over the heart of many a boy.

He suddenly felt sorry for Simon, and hoped that Izzy was serious about him. She was his sister, and he would take her side over anyone else's, but Simon was his friend, and he knew how hard he'd fallen for her.

"It'll be fine, Simon." He said, feeling charitable. "I think she kind of likes you, you know?"

Simon smiled tentatively, looking happier.

"I hope so," he said shyly. "Thanks! I think I have something to cheer you up, too…" He nudged Alec.

"I've just had Spanish with Aline, you know, Aline Penhallow? She's the girl I was talking about yesterday! Anyways, I told her about you, how you were looking for a date to the dance and –"

Alec's face dropped as his momentary sympathy for Simon vanished.

"-she's totally up for it if you are! She said she doesn't know why you haven't dated before."

Alec closed his eyes momentarily, silently praying for the strength to last the day.

"Thank you, Simon." He replied flatly. "She sounds great, but I'm not interested."

"Oh, really? Why not?" Simon sounded confused.

Alec floundered. Aline Penhallow was a beautiful girl. Alec didn't know her personally, but she seemed like a nice enough person too.

"I – I just – um." He chastised himself internally. He was used to being the coolly detached one, the one who was immoveable, and yet here was, nothing more than a stuttering mess.

Simon leaned closer conspiratorially.

" _Is_ there someone else?"

"Y-yes." Alec cursed himself for not being able to think of an excuse.

Simon gasped, his eyes wide. "Who?! Who is it?"

Maybe he'd written them off too soon, Alec thought dryly. Maybe Simon and Izzy were perfect for each other, both got way too into gossip.

"No-one…its no-one." He mumbled, but Simon looked unconvinced.

"Ok, fine." Alec gave up. "There's…someone. Just – please don't tell anyone, ok?"

Simon nodded but Alec glared at him. "I mean it Simon. Not even Izzy." He held his gaze until Simon rolled his eyes.

"Fine! Ok. But you're going to ask her out, right?"

Alec sighed. "No."

"Why not? Is she taken?" Simon asked sympathetically.

"No, it's – I don't want to talk about this ok, Simon!"

"Ok, ok! Whenever you're ready, man." Simon shot him a grin and turned back to his comic, leaving Alec to his tumultuous thoughts.

Forget being on her side, he was going to _kill_ Izzy.

.

Lunch couldn't have come quick enough, and Alec was first in line at the coffee machine. He didn't usually have more than one a day but this day warranted it. Who knew that one stupid dance could cause him so much trouble?

He set his tray down at their table taking care to sit away from Jace and Clary, who were having a heated discussion about something or other. He knew not to interrupt; and knew even better that their heated discussions would inevitably turn into heated make-out sessions, no matter who was around.

He felt a hand caress his shoulder and jumped, turning to see Magnus gracefully slide into the chair beside him.

He smiled in greeting, trying not to shiver from the sensations caused by Magnus' touch.

"So." Magnus announced, drawing attention.

"I dropped by the college this morning on my way here."

Alec looked back to his tray, concentrating on adding sugar to his coffee. It had been a bad enough day already, he didn't want to hear about Magnus' steamy make-up with Axel.

That was always the way with Magnus. If anybody lasted more than a night, it was a dizzying back and forth ride until one of them got sick of it and jumped off.

"-and it's over." Magnus announced, and Alec froze, wide eyed.

"You broke up?" He couldn't stop himself from blurting out.

He couldn't help but be amazed. Magnus had seemed so into Axel in the beginning. He wasn't the only one to look surprised.

"Mhmm." Magnus hummed in agreement. "He's just a little too serious for me, I think. Always droning on and on about politics." He feigned falling asleep. "I was never meant to be the trophy husband of a high-flying, straight-laced career man!"

Jace sniggered. "Well not straight, surely."

Magnus grinned. "Oh, definitely not, I can attest to that." He smirked to the table in general as they sniggered.

"Well now you definitely need to find someone else!" Izzy looked excited.

"Please, darling," Magnus pointed his fork at her. "Don't set me up." He sounded pained.

She rolled her eyes. "I wasn't going to offer."

"Hey! How come he gets out of it?" Alec protested, indignant.

"Because Magnus will have another date before schools out." Will said cheekily, chipping in before turning back to Tessa and Jem.

"Maybe." Magnus said lightly.

Alec looked at him strangely. "Do you not want a date?"

Magnus held his gaze. "Do _you_ want a date?" He asked quietly, turning his words around.

Alec's heart thumped. The others had gone back to their conversations, their voices around him buzzing loudly, but he couldn't hear a word they were saying. There was no joke in Magnus' expression.

Was Magnus saying what he thought he was? Was he asking him out? Or was Alec wildly over-projecting his own hopes?

Their gaze seemed to hold forever, gold-green eyes gazing into blue, and Alec was just about to answer – though he didn't know what he was going to say – when the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch.

The spell was broken and he glanced down at his tray, flustered. His sandwich lay uneaten and his coffee was still full. He took a few quick gulps, stuffing the sandwich into his bag to eat between classes. If he could.

His stomach was in knots as he said goodbye to his friends, his mind racing.

"Hey, bro!" He was almost out of the dining hall when he was broken out of his reverie.

Jace caught up to him, clapping him on the shoulder.

"So, I have gym next period." He stated.

Alec stared at him.

"Good for you…"

"With Helen." Jace specified. "If you've changed your mind…"

"NO." Alec snapped. "No, thanks." He repeated, in a softer tone as Jace threw his arms up in mock defence.

"Alright! Just don't say I didn't offer."

Alec watched him jog away, his muscles rippling under his soft gray tee. He remembered the time when such a sight would have had him swooning, but for years now his mind had been rather occupied with a different body…one much leaner and darker skinned…

He shook his head to himself as he hurried to his next class.

 _Maybe…_


	4. Malls and Meddling

The day had ended – finally – and Alec breathed a sigh of relief as his last class was let out.

He'd managed to avoid his friends for the rest of the afternoon thank goodness, except for Magnus with whom he shared most classes.

The weird moment with Magnus had passed and he'd been back to his talkative jokey self, but Alec wasn't sure if he was pleased by that or not.

He'd not known what to say, not sure what he'd wanted to say. Part of him wished that Magnus would have brought it up, initiated the conversation, then –

Then what? Even if Magnus had been suggesting something – and he most likely hadn't, it was probably just Alec's imagination running wild and that was why he hadn't mentioned it – Alec wouldn't have a clue what to do.

He'd never dated before, with the whole being gay, in the closet and in love with Magnus. So he had exactly zero experience and zero knowledge of how such things worked, despite having spent so much time around Magnus, Izzy and Jace, all of whom could be considered dating aficionados. But the one thing they all had in common was a wild sense of confidence and self-assurance. Which Alec was most definitely lacking.

How did shy people date? Maybe they didn't. Maybe he was destined to be alone forever.

He chewed his lip as he leaned against his locker, oblivious to the students bustling past him, caught up in his thoughts.

"Hey, Alec!"

He snapped back into the present.

"Oh, hey Clary. Ready to go?"

She nodded and he shouldered his bag, following her out of the building.

Jace had football practice that day and Clary had yet to turn sixteen so Alec was driving her home.

He didn't mind, they actually got on quite well despite the fact that he'd not been so keen on her in the beginning, not liking how quickly his brother had fallen for her.

But they were the real deal. Though they were still young, Alec could see them together forever. He'd warmed up to her as he'd got to know her, appreciating the fiery depths of her bravery, her compassion and her ability to make anyone feel comfortable around her. Being intensely shy, this was an essential trait in any friend of his.

They climbed into his car and were soon cruising away from the Academy, Alec feeling his tension slipping away as the school faded from view. It had not been a day that he would remember fondly. But at least it was over now. They sat in comfortable silence as green trees and rolling fields flashed by, and soon they were driving through quiet suburban streets, the houses stately and colourful just like everything else in Idris.

"So, when are you asking Magnus to the dance?" Clary asked, in an idle tone.

Alec gasped, his hands on the wheel slipping in shock. He grabbed it and jerked just in time; narrowly avoiding taking out somebody's mail box. Clary had thrown her arms out, clutching his shoulder and the handle on the car door.

"Woah." She said, when Alec had regained control. "So it's true?"

"Wha – I don't - Where did you hear – Why would you think -"

His cheeks flamed red and he cursed his damnable lack of eloquence, his heart thumping as cold fear snaked into his veins.

"Alec." She said, her tone softer and more cautious. "It's ok. You like Magnus?"

He took a few deeps breaths, feeling strangely light headed and heavy at the same time.

"How did you know?" He whispered, staring straight at the road ahead. His knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel, wishing to any power that might be listening to be anywhere else.

She gave him a little smile, leaning forward into his line of sight.

"It's the way you look at him." She said thoughtfully. "Well, I never really noticed it before. But at lunch today, and yesterday – I thought maybe…"

He cursed under his breath. He knew he had let himself slip.

"And then Simon told me that you liked someone, and I put two and two together." She finished conversationally.

"Damn Simon! Fuck. Fuck." She looked amused as he swore, but he was too angry to care.

"Alec, relax. He has no idea it's Magnus. I don't think anyone else knows."

He sighed. "Izzy does." He said quietly.

Clary gasped in excitement, clapping her hands together. "Oh, yay! This is so exciting! We can both help you, if you'd like?"

"No…Clary, I'm not asking Magnus to the dance."

"Why not?" She frowned.

He signalled left, turning on to her road. He could honestly say that he'd never been so glad to pull up in front of her house. He turned to look at her expectantly as he cut the gas. She was frowning, doing that annoying thing where she bit her lip, gazing up at him with widened eyes. But he'd grown up with Izzy, and insusceptible to such expressions.

"Because." He sighed in frustration, running his hands through his hair. "He doesn't think of me that way. We are friends. That's it. Ok?"

She paused, ignoring the tapping of his foot as he tried to subtly indicate that he had somewhere else to be.

"I think he does." She said finally, her eyes shining. Uh oh. He'd seen that look in Izzy's eyes too many a time before. "I think that if you asked him, he'd jump at the chance."

"I'm not asking him Clary. And I really have a lot of homework to be doing, so…"

She relented, opening the door and swinging her legs out.

"I really think he likes you, Alec," she looked back at him. "But you'll never know until you try!"

He closed his eyes in relief as she got out, waving goodbye to him.

He started the car again and set off home, wondering what he had done in a former life to warrant such bad karma.

Even worse, Clary had got him thinking again, along a line of thought he had only just managed to banish from his brain.

What if?

.

"What do you think, darling? Can I pull this one off?"

Magnus struck a ridiculously dramatic pose; throwing his head back, hands on his hips, wiggling suggestively.

Izzy laughed, clapping her hands.

"If anyone can, it's you, you poser!"

They were shopping in the mall that was situated just outside of Idris and Izzy had dragged Magnus into a store for formal wear, claiming that it was imperative they get started on their outfits for Homecoming.

They got together about once a week, just the two of them, since they were both crazy about fashion and make up and gossiping, all the things their other friends rolled their eyes at.

Alec had accompanied them on a few occasions before but had stopped after what he called the Sephora Incident; when they'd held him down and used him to try out all the products they were planning on buying.

It had taken him a week to get the glitter out of his hair.

Magnus and Izzy were the perfect shopping team, both as flamboyant and extravagant as the other.

Magnus was currently decked out in a ridiculous get-up that looked as though it had come straight out of the 19th century. It was complete with long coattails, a frilly vest and a top hat. It looked completely insane, but strangely enough, Magnus managed to make it look good.

He admired himself in the long mirror in their dressing room, turning this way and that, while Izzy nodded her approval.

"But you know…I think there's a little something else you could use…" She hopped up, poking her head outside the curtain to where the assistant stood in-between the store and the dressing rooms.

A few moments later she reappeared, a devilish look in her eyes and a bright green feather boa in her hands.

"Perfect." She claimed, as she swung it around his neck and stepped back to admire her handiwork.

He grinned, turning back to the mirror and blowing himself a kiss.

"You know," Magnus said, waving a hand to the curtain. "He thinks he's so smart but really, we could totally be hooking up in here." He winked at her.

Usually there was a strict policy about members of the opposite sex sharing dressing rooms but the sales assistant had taken one look at Magnus' bright pink vest top, his tight leather pants and glitter-covered eyes and not said a word as they'd slipped into the same cubicle.

Izzy smiled ruefully.

"I think he was just a little taken aback with how fabulous you are, darling. Besides, I rather think you'd prefer _someone else_ to hook up with in here…"

He raised an eyebrow, not missing her double meaning. "Oh? And who might that be, Miss Lightwood? Pray, do enlighten me." He gave her a little bow, looking for all the world the perfect English gentleman – if not for the feather boa, of course.

She grinned, leaning back and crossing her legs.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you checking out my brother, Mr. Bane…"

His eyes widened momentarily, but then his usual smirk was back.

"I do think Clarissa would have something to say about it if I were eyeing up dear Jonathon. He is handsome, I grant you, if you're into the whole blonde, arrogant, incredibly irritating football jock thing, but…" He shrugged, waving a hand dismissively, showing that he was certainly _not_ into that kind of thing.

She smirked, not having missed his momentary hesitation.

"Magnus, shut up. You and Jace would be the worst, most incompatible couple to ever walk this planet. I am speaking, of course, about dear Alexander…"

His heart sped up but he didn't let it show, even as his muscles tensed.

"That's ridiculous." He said smoothly, turning away from her to slip his suit jacket off. "Alexander is my best friend."

"I don't hear you denying it though, _Bane."_

He ignored her, busying himself with replacing his outfit back onto its hangers, for once in his life at a loss for what to say.

She grinned, her eyes lighting up. His silence was all the answer she needed.

"So you _do_ like him!" She breathed, excitement evident in her tone.

"I didn't say that…" Magnus answered evasively, still refusing to look at her.

 _Damn. He'd been doing so well to hide it._

"Magnus." Her voice changed, and he took a deep breath before glancing up.

"Wow." She said, taking in his fearful expression. "You really do like him, don't you?"

He closed his eyes, willing himself not to blush.

"It is obvious?" He mumbled, fiddling with the bowtie around his neck. He hoped that the action masked the way his fingers were shaking.

She bit her lip.

"Not at all. Actually, it was only when you started dating Axel that I thought you might."

He looked up again, confused. "Axel? Why then?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "Come on Magnus. He could have been Alec's twin. You could have hidden it better."

He sighed. He had wondered if it had been a mistake to choose someone who looked so similar to the object of his affections. But nothing was going to happen with Alec, and he'd wanted so desperately to get those feelings out of his system, to replace them. But the whole time he'd been with Axel he'd just been reminded every moment of how he _wasn't_ Alexander. And how he could never replace him in Magnus' heart.

"I suppose." He acquiesced. "But it makes no difference. Alec is straight." He tried to sound nonchalant, but he knew that she heard the sadness in his voice. He coughed, stripping of the rest of the outfit and reaching for his own clothes.

"I think that's enough shopping for today. I'm kind of tired."

He avoided her gaze, not wanting to see the pity there. There was nothing she could do about it.

He didn't the conflict in her eyes, the pursing of her lips.

"You won't tell anyone, right?" He shimmied into his leather pants, twisting this way and that. He was skinny, but they were always a bitch to put on. Worth the result, though.

She froze behind him, her phone in her hands. "No, of course not!" It sounded fake, even to her, but Magnus decided he didn't care.

What did it matter if Alec found out? He was going to, eventually. Magnus was surprised he'd managed to keep his feelings a secret for so long already. Alec hadn't started dating yet, a fact that Magnus was immensely relieved by. But it was going to happen soon, especially with their friends so eager to find him a date for the dance.

He grimaced as he imagined having to meet a girl Alec was dating. To stand there while she held his hand, maybe even kissed him. And he would have to watch.

Yes, it was going to be very obvious very soon. He wouldn't be able to hide it any longer.


	5. A Little Bit of Courage

Alec lay flat out on his bed, his face buried in his pillows. He was exhausted. He'd not gotten nearly enough sleep the night before and though he already had more homework piling up, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

His mind was full of the day's events, and the conversation with Clary especially.

She was right, he knew.

His crush on Magnus was going to come out sooner or later. It was inevitable. And he would never know exactly how Magnus felt about him until he faced it.

But could he do it?

He'd spent so long – three years, to be exact – hopelessly in love with him that it was now about more than just coming out. It was about finding the strength to let go of a secret he'd held in an iron grip for so long. It was about baring his heart and offering it up to a friend who might not want it. It was about possibly losing said friend, who had come to mean more to him than any person ever had, bar his siblings.

It was terrifying.

He didn't know how long he lay there for, but at some point he must have fallen asleep.

He jerked up at the sound of a light knocking on his door and looked around, blinking, to see that dusk had fallen.

"Yeah?" He called out groggily, rubbing his eyes.

The door opened and Izzy slipped in, her pale skin shining luminous in the partial darkness.

He took one look at her intense expression and sat up.

"Do not." He started. "Say a word to me about Grindr. I do not want to hear it." He glared at her as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, her mouth curved into a rueful smile.

"I wasn't going to."

"Good." He felt relieved. "Have you deleted the damn thing?"

"Are you kidding?" Izzy laughed. "It is far too entertaining for that. But don't worry," she held up a hand as she opened his mouth. "I'm not going to use it to force a date on you."

"Ok." He looked at her, frowning. "Why not?"

She ducked her head, biting her lip. He waited impatiently. He was feeling a lot more awake now and was itching to start on his homework.

"I think you should ask Magnus to the dance." She said suddenly, glancing sideways at him.

He groaned. "Izzy, please. Not this again."

"Alec, please." She mimicked him. "Look, I know you still like him. Don't even bother denying it. I spoke to Clary."

Alec clenched his teeth, counting to ten in his head. He needed to find new friends – ones who wouldn't meddle in his personal life.

"Why did you tell me you were over it?" She sounded hurt.

"Izzy," he sighed.

"Alec, I thought you trusted me. I didn't tell anyone else about it." She pouted.

"I did. I do," He corrected. "I just – I wanted to be over it." He hung his head, cursing internally. He'd spoken more about his feelings the past two days than he had done in his whole life. It was exhausting.

"Well, I think you should ask him. Really."

"Just because you and Clary have decided to act as matchmakers, that doesn't mean it's going to work out." He said tiredly. Maybe he would leave the homework till tomorrow.

"Look, Alec – I was with Magnus today. And I – I just think you should ask him, ok?"

His head shot up, he was suddenly very awake.

"What? You were with – did he say anything? About me?" He silently reprimanded himself for his eagerness.

She smiled widely at his reaction. "Just ask him, ok?"

And with that she jumped up, darting out of his room, ignoring his protests.

He ran his hands through his hair, making it stick up. His heart was thumping erratically.

What had she meant? Had Magnus mentioned him? Had he said that he wanted Alec to ask him?

His sister may be overbearing and over-enthusiastic, but she wasn't cruel. She knew how he felt about Magnus. She wouldn't tell him to do something like that if she thought that Alec was going to get shot down.

He went to get his books with a smile, settling down to do some homework.

Maybe he would talk to Magnus, test the waters…he wasn't sure he could ask him outright, not after years and years of internalising his sexuality.

But maybe he could take a step forward.

.

The next day dawned bright, despite the fact that fall was well underway.

Alec felt that the weather emulated his mood – light and hopeful, with rays of sunshine peeking through the cover of cloud. He could barely contain his nervous energy throughout his morning Geometry class. Usually he was among the first to finish the sheet of problems but today he was having trouble concentrating.

He would see Magnus in the next class. It was Chem lab, the same class in which they had first spoken three years before.

However when he got there and saw Magnus' slender profile already at their desk, his confidence wavered.

This was Magnus. _Magnus._ His best friend. How could he ask him for more? Magnus had already given him so much. He paused in the doorway, his thoughts racing.

Magnus' profile was lit against the window behind him, the October sun softly illuminating his features. Alec's breath caught in his throat as he stared at the beautiful boy who'd unlocked his heart.

Magnus turned, as though sensing Alec's eyes on him. He broke into a grin, waving Alec over.

Alec swallowed and went to him, settling down in the empty chair.

He didn't get to bring anything up in that lesson, even if he'd wanted to. Though it was early in the year, it was their senior year and lessons were slowly intensifying.

Even Alec and Magnus, who usually had no problem with Chemistry, were struggling to keep up as their teacher droned on about titration graphs and organic chemical synthesis.

But all too soon the hour was up and they were walking out of class. They had a short break before the third period and Alec knew that it was now or never.

If he waited any longer he'd lose courage all together.

"So…" he started conversationally, as they left the science building, strolling toward a collection of wooden benches. A few students had gathered there already, taking advantage of the unseasonable sunshine.

"Izzy told me you guys went shopping yesterday."

His words had a strange effect on Magnus. He looked shocked, scared almost, like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"She did?" His voice was sharp, controlled, and he avoided Alec's gaze. Alec was confused.

"Yeah – did you find anything to wear to the dance?"

"Um, no." Magnus seemed to relax a little, leaning back against the wood of the bench they'd claimed. "Not yet. It was fun, though."

Alec nodded, biting his lip. Magnus looked at him.

"Are you ok?"

Alec's heart beat faster and he willed himself not to flush. "Yeah – yeah."

An awkward silence fell as both boys looked at each other, Alec nervous and Magnus curious.

"So." Magnus said, breaking it at last. "Have our friends succeeded in their efforts to partner you up?" He sounded jovial – almost overly so.

Alec swallowed. "No – well, they tried. But – "

Magnus raised his eyebrows.

 _But I want to go with you._

Is what Alec wanted to say, but the words got lost on the way to his mouth.

"But there's no-one I want to go with." He said, instead.

Magnus smiled. "There's nothing wrong with that, Alexander."

Alec's heart sped up as it always did when Magnus used his full name. There was just _something_ about how he curled the syllables around his tongue…

"Yeah." He said, trying to banish the image of Magnus' tongue from his brain. "Um, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Magnus raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, since you broke up with Axel…and since everyone else is dating each other…I thought…maybewecouldgotogether?" He finished, rushing to get the words out.

Magnus chuckled. "Sorry, what was that?"

Alec took a deep breath, cursing himself and his awkwardness.

"I just thought that, you and me…since neither of us have a date…maybe we could…just as friends, you know…sort of, go together."

He caught the look of surprise and confusion on Magnus' face and hastened to add – "Because we're friends, you know? Like it would be awkward to hang around the others all night and third wheel…instead we could…just, hang out together." He gulped, looking down.

It couldn't have been more than a few seconds before Magnus spoke, but to Alec it felt like an age. He wasn't quite sure of what he'd just said to Magnus, his heart had been thumping so loudly in his ears.

"You're asking me to go to Homecoming with you…as your friend?" Magnus clarified.

"Um, yeah." Alec nodded. "You know, I just want them off my back with the whole setting up thing." He faked a smile to suggest nonchalance, his eyes raking Magnus' expression.

Magnus looked torn, and…sad? Alec was confused again. What had he done?

"Alec…" Magnus began. "I – "

But he didn't get to finish because at that moment a figure came bounding up to them, sliding onto the bench beside Magnus. She threw her arms around his neck and Alec was momentarily stunned at the breaking of the moment.

He had a strange propensity to tune out everything else when he was with Magnus; surroundings, sounds, time…

But now the world outside their little bubble came crashing back to him as he perceived their interrupter.

Long, blonde hair. Full lips painted blood red. Alabaster skin that shone paler than Alec's.

Alec felt a wave of revulsion rise and threaten to consume him as she leaned in to kiss Magnus on the cheek, her lipstick leaving a dark red smudge on his cheek.

Camille.

He didn't notice how Magnus cringed at her kiss, or how he gently unwound her hands from around his neck.

All he saw, through a haze of burning hatred, was the girl who had taken, then crushed Magnus' heart and walked away without so much as a backwards glance.

Wait. _What was she saying?_

"I can't wait to go to the dance with you!"

Her breathy, high-pitched voice cut him like a knife, her words slicing into his heart.

Alec could do nothing but sit there in shock, dumbfounded. There was a ringing in his ears and he felt cold.

Magnus looked a little embarrassed, but he didn't contradict her. Alec watched in silence as they spoke, blood pounding in his ears, not hearing a word. She hugged him and flounced away, after shooting what to Alec looked like a self-satisfied smirk in his direction.

He blinked, looking at Magnus.

Magnus had the grace to look apologetic, his cheeks slightly flushed.

"She called me last night." He said, breaking the silence between them.

Alec just nodded.

"I didn't – I mean, you just – you were asking me as a friend."

It was a statement, not a question. Alec didn't say anything. His could feel his blood moving through his veins like ice, but his skin felt uncomfortably hot.

"She said she missed me…it's been a while so I thought…" The air between them seemed heavy and warm, like a thunderstorm.

"What the hell Magnus." Alec cut in, finding his voice. Anger pulsed through him. "Camille? What the hell." He repeated.

Magnus frowned. "Do you have a problem with this?"

"Of course I have a problem with it!" Alec exploded. "She broke you! She – she – " He was so furious he couldn't find the words to say.

Of all the ways he had imagined this going, this hadn't even been on the list of the wildest possibilities.

 _Camille?!_

"She's just going to do it again, Magnus. She's heartless. And don't expect me to pick up the pieces of your broken heart a second time!"

Magnus looked angry now. "I'm a big boy, Alec, I can take care of myself."

Alec scoffed. "Have you forgotten how she made you feel?"

"Of course not." Magnus' tone was ice cold. "But I don't think that's your problem. It wasn't _your_ heart. Unless you were offering to go with me instead, I – "

"I _was_ offering to go with you. Did you not hear me?" Alec gestured in frustration.

"It's not like you were asking to be my date. You said friends." Magnus' voice was layered with sarcasm and hurt, but he didn't care to cover it.

"Even if I was asking to be your date, you'd already agreed to go with your whore of an ex-girlfriend!" Alec snapped.

Magnus' eyes widened. "Were you?"

Alec froze, realising what he'd just said.

"What?"

"Were you asking to be my date?" Magnus' voice was soft, his gaze penetrating.

Alec flushed, his heart racing.

"I – what? Of course not." He backtracked. "I said friends…"

Magnus narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms. "Yes you did, many times. But you do realise that people don't do that, right, Alec? And everyone knows I'm bisexual. What would they think?"

"Wha – I don't – well it doesn't matter does it!" Alec shouted. "You're going with Camille, fine. Just don't come crying to me when she fucks you over this time."

With that he turned and stalked away, breathing heavily, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

He'd been cruel, he knew. He didn't know why. He'd just been so shocked, so angry. There he'd been, trying to open up, trying to bare his feeling for the first time ever – and he'd messed up. Even before Camille had burst in and staked her claim over Magnus.

Why had he even opened his mouth? This was what he had been afraid of. He had no clue what Magnus thought, but he knew that he'd hurt him.

He'd ruined their friendship for nothing.

Emotions crowded his brain, jostling, overwhelming him.

He couldn't deal with this. His breath was coming in short gasps and his heart wouldn't stop racing. He had to get out.

He whipped out his phone, sending Izzy a quick text to tell her he wasn't feeling well and was going home to rest.

He grabbed his books from his locker and hurried out of school, jumping into his car and revving it up.

It was only when he was speeding down the highway away from the Academy that his heart began to slow, that he felt moisture pricking behind his eyelids.


	6. Flashbacks

Magnus was spaced out for the rest of the day, unable to concentrate on anything.

Alec's absence at lunch and in their afternoon classes felt like a black hole, a dizzying expanse of emptiness that threatened to suck him into its oblivion.

Izzy had told them all that he'd felt ill, and gone home. He caught her falsely breezy tone, even before she shot him a confused, questioning look. He just kept quiet.

He'd left lunch early, not wanting to talk to her about it.

What, exactly, was there to talk about?

What had happened?

After speaking to Izzy the day before he'd made up his mind. He'd known that there would come a time when he'd be forced to get over Alec. He hadn't expected it to come so soon, but he supposed that sooner was better than later. Before he could fall any harder for the black haired, blue-eyed boy.

As if that was possible, he thought to himself.

So he'd decided to try, and as fate would have it, Camille had called him not hours later.

He knew that it was a bad decision to accept her offer.

He'd actually been surprised at how unaffected he'd been by her sultry purring, seeing straight through her transparent apology.

Any love or affection he'd once felt for her was long gone, those fires stamped into the ground after she'd cheated on him.

But it was an opportunity. He didn't want to ask anyone else out. He didn't feel up to acting flirty with someone he didn't really want. He could go to the dance with Camille, perhaps that would be the first step in getting over Alec.

But then Alec had gone and confused him.

Asking him to go as friends?

He stood by his statement – no-one did that, and people _would_ have talked.

Their fight occupied his mind throughout all of his afternoon classes; he didn't make a single note.

He didn't want to fight with Alec.

But some of the things he'd said had hurt him.

He knew that he owed Alec for the way he'd helped piece him back together after Camille.

But that was part of the problem.

He'd been attracted to Alec since the first day of school. When he'd first walked in he'd been so alone and scared, though he hadn't shown it. He'd had Will and Jem and Tessa, of course, they'd been best friends since middle school. But Chemistry was the first class he had to face alone, and he'd been so different from everyone else for the way he wore his identity, so unapologetically.

He wouldn't have changed, that wasn't in his nature.

But he was nervous about how he'd be treated. He'd been the victim of homophobia in middle school, though the culprits had quickly been silenced by Will's fists and a stern lecture from the headmaster.

It had stopped, after that, but he'd been shaken.

It had reminded him of the bullying he'd faced at his first middle school, before he'd moved and met his friends.

He hadn't told anyone about that, he'd learnt his lesson and kept his secret.

Even if the friends he had now wouldn't judge him, wouldn't care, he didn't want to see the pity in their eyes.

It was bad enough that he saw it every time he told someone he was adopted.

It would be way worse if they knew it was because his father had been a drunk and a criminal.

His poor mother hadn't deserved that life. She'd tried to do so well by him, had loved him.

But that hadn't mattered when his father had come home one night, fists raw and bloody, breath stinking of whiskey.

He'd never liked Magnus; even at eight years old he'd been different from other children. One time he'd caught him experimenting with his mother's make up.

She'd intervened before he could inflict too much damage, and taken the beating herself.

Magnus had cried himself to sleep, hating himself for being different, hating that he was unable to protect her.

It hadn't been long after that, that the tragedy occurred.

When his father had come home that night, it had been like his mother had known. She'd woken him up when she'd heard the door slamming, shaking him urgently.

 _"Go to Catarina's, Magnus. Please, go. I'll come and get you tomorrow, ok?"_

His heart clenched every time he thought of those last words his mother had spoken to him.

Somehow he'd known, even at eight years old. She'd been acting differently for weeks.

She'd been planning on leaving, and taking him with her.

Away from his father, away from the pain and danger.

But she hadn't made it to the next day.

His father had got into a fight, he'd learned much later, at the bar he frequented in town. Something had made him furious – or maybe he was just predisposed to that emotion.

He'd come home shouting, he'd heard that much before he'd slipped out the window and disappeared down the street, heart racing.

Catarina and Ragnor had woken up from his pounding on the door.

He'd been so terrified he could barely choke the words out, but they'd understood. Catarina called the police right away, her grim expression and the set of her shoulders suggesting that she wasn't surprised, had perhaps been waiting for this moment.

Magnus' mother had been her best friend.

It couldn't have been more than half an hour after he'd left that the police had arrived, but it was already too late.

His parents were gone.

They'd been found hours later, in the early hours of the morning, strewn along the highway amongst the wreckage that had been their car.

Magnus had been too numb to cry for weeks.

Deep down he knew that he couldn't have done anything more.

As Catarina whispered into his hair as she'd rocked him, if he'd stayed they would have been burying him too.

He couldn't have fought against his father.

But still, he couldn't silence the awful voice in his head that told him; if it weren't for him, his mother could still have been alive.

He couldn't help but feel that he didn't deserve the new life he'd been given, with Catarina and Ragnor.

They were wonderful, taking him in without question, loving him, caring for him.

How could it be that he was blessed with that, and his mother with a coffin?

It was unfair.

Life was unfair.

He'd sworn to her grave that he wouldn't take his life for granted. She would want him to be himself.

So he was. He threw himself into life, exploring all it had to offer. Catarina bought him his own make-up and showed him how to apply it. He had lots of friends at school. He was happy, as long as he didn't think about his life before.

Then word had gotten out, at his first middle school, about how his parents had died. He didn't know how they found out, but they did.

Everything he'd tried to lock away in a box deep inside his mind suddenly burst out, hitting him hard.

Catarina hadn't even asked many questions, she'd understood. Maybe she too, needed to escape.

They'd moved that weekend, away from the knowing glances and memories.

They'd found a house in Idris, a town far enough away that he hoped the past wouldn't be able to follow them there.

He'd met Will, quickly followed by Jem and Tessa, and for the first time in his life, been truly happy.

Things had gotten a little dark when he'd been teased for liking boys, but by that point he hadn't really cared.

Then he'd started high school, and met the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen.

He'd tried so hard, after they'd become friends, to tell himself that was all he wanted.

But every time Alec laughed at one of his jokes, looked at him with his big, blue eyes, or, let's face it, just walked into a room, his heart jumped.

Still, he'd done a good job of hiding and lying to himself.

He'd jumped into dating, and found that it could be quite fun.

He liked getting to know people, and having fun with them.

But no-one ever came close to making him feel what he felt for Alec – until Camille.

She'd been way out of his league, he'd thought, so he hadn't even thought about what he was doing.

They had known each other since they were freshmen; of course, their school wasn't so big that you didn't at least know everyone by name.

But they'd not really spoken until that party in junior year.

He hadn't been looking to hook up, not really, but they'd ended up talking and he was surprised to find out how funny she was.

He was even more surprised when her peals of laughter rang out and caused a familiar coiling sensation in his stomach, sending shivers running through him.

It had been a wonderful few months, he acquiesced. Being in love always was.

But it had been far from perfect.

She was flirty by nature, like himself. He thought it had just made them more compatible, but unlike him, she didn't stop once she was in a relationship.

He'd been afraid to tell her that he loved her, afraid that it would drive her away.

Still, his heart had been shattered when he'd found her with Ralf Scott behind the school.

Reality crashed back to him like a wave, pulling him under.

Of course life couldn't be so kind.

Of course he wasn't allowed to love.

As if his futile pining for Alexander wasn't enough, the universe had to send him Camille too.

Alec had been there for him when he'd needed him most.

He'd known that he would never have his love, and tried his hardest to accept that fact.

But now, apparently, for reasons he couldn't understand, he'd lost his friendship too.

It was too much.

As soon as school let out he checked his phone for the millionth time but there were no new messages.

"Magnus!"

He'd tried to leave quickly, but he was stopped just beside the parking lot.

He turned to see Tessa running up to him, her pale cheeks flushed, long brown hair streaming behind her.

"Magnus." She said again, breathlessly, when she'd caught up to him. "Talk to me."

He sighed.

Out of all his friends, she'd always been the one able to read him like a book.

"It's nothing." He avoided her gaze and continued on to his car, with her following behind.

"Don't be ridiculous, Magnus." Her voice was kind, even when it was sharp. "What happened between you and Alec?"

He stopped then, turning to look at her incredulously.

"Sorry, what?"

She tilted her head sarcastically. "Come on, Magnus. I'm not stupid. You like him, and something's happened."

His breath caught in his throat.

First Izzy, now Tessa? Were his feelings written on his forehead?

"I – um…" He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Camille asked me to the dance." He said eventually, gazing at the floor. He didn't want to see the disappointment in her face, but he heard it in her voice all the same.

"And you said yes." It wasn't a question, but he nodded ruefully.

"And Alec didn't like it." Again, she understood.

"We had a fight." He said. "He – he asked me to go with him, but just as friends…as if I could do that anyway" he narrowed his eyes. "Then she came up and he just lost it."

He chanced a glance at her now; her mouth was open in surprise.

"Magnus." She breathed. "Do you think – "

"No." He said, cutting her off. "He said friends. He was very clear about that fact, too." He couldn't disguise the pain in his voice.

"He doesn't date." Tessa stated, her voice careful.

"He's shy."

"He got mad at you saying yes to Camille."

"Because he said, and I quote: _don't come crying to me when she fucks you over this time."_

"Because he doesn't want to see you hurt!" Tessa cried. "And I don't blame him! Magnus, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I just need to get over him, ok?"

She looked at him sceptically. "And the best way to do that is with Camille?"

"No, I – I just – it was a bad decision, ok?"

She nodded. "Yes, it was. You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

"What good will that do? He doesn't feel the same way."

She looked thoughtful. "He might. I don't know. But neither will you unless you ask him."

Magnus thought about it. Tessa was too logical to argue with. She was right. Alec was going to find out anyway, if he was going to get shot down then he would get shot down whether it was now or later.

.

Alec was sitting at the marble countertop in the kitchen working on some homework when he heard the door open and close.

He shut his books, knowing that there was only one person who could be back home so early.

"What happened?" Izzy asked without so much as a hello, when she came stalking into the kitchen, fixing Alec with a loaded stare.

He sighed, getting up to fill his glass with more water.

She was glaring at him when he turned round, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Well?"

"I followed your dumb advice." He said, glaring back.

She looked confused. "You – you asked Magnus to the dance?"

"Yep." He took a sip, watching her expression change.

"But –"

"He already had a date."

She looked taken aback, lost for words.

"Camille." He supplied. He felt strangely vindictive, wanting her to share in his pain. It was her fault he'd said anything to Magnus, after all.

"Camille?" She repeated, sounding lost.

He nodded, pursing his lips. It was strange how one name could taste so bitter on your tongue.

"I don't understand…" She bit her lip. "Alec, I'm sorry."

She sounded so hurt he could almost imagine it was her heart that had been broken. He felt guilty for wanting to hurt her.

"It's fine." He tried to inject some warmth into his voice but failed.

"No, Alec…I don't get it. He likes you…"

"Please, stop saying that." His voice was pained. "He obviously doesn't."

"Alec – he told me."

"What?" He froze.

"When we were shopping." She continued. "That's why I told you to ask him."

Alec was stunned silent.

"Maybe you misunderstood." He said eventually. She shook her head.

"I didn't. He likes you. I just don't understand why he'd – "

"Well, it doesn't matter. He's going with her." He couldn't believe this. He didn't know what to think.

"Alec –"

"I'm going upstairs. See you later."

He grabbed his books and walked out, leaving her leaning against the counter.

Magnus had told Izzy that he liked him?

Well, clearly not enough to reject Camille…he'd been in love with her, he reminded himself. Even if Magnus did like him, clearly he wasn't over Camille, no matter what Alec had believed before. He was almost glad that Camille had asked him before he had, he told himself. If Magnus hadn't had a date already, maybe he would have said yes. And Alec would rather not know what it felt like to be with Magnus at all, than to be a tool he used to get over Camille. He'd rather his name not be added to Magnus' long list of casual conquests.

He slammed his door behind him, throwing his books savagely into a corner.

It was better this way, he repeated to himself.

.

The next day was awkward, to say the least.

Alec made sure to arrive at school just before the bell so he wouldn't have the chance to talk to anyone.

He went through the morning studiously ignoring everyone around him, his heart pounding in his chest.

He'd been far too reckless recently.

What had he been thinking?

His feelings for Magnus had been obvious to Izzy and Clary, he didn't want to know who else suspected.

He hadn't had any classes with Magnus that morning and he was relieved for that fact. He didn't think he was ready to face him yet.

What would he say?

Lunch came far too quickly, but he steeled himself and approached their table.

Eight faces swivelled to stare at him as he sat down, then at the girl who sat down beside him.

"Hey, guys." He greeted them all. "This is Lydia, Lydia Branwell. My date for Homecoming."


	7. This Was a Mistake

A shocked silence ensued; something that rarely occurred at their table.

Alec flushed as he stared down at his tray, avoiding the gazes he could feel on him. This had been a bad idea. No, this had been a _stupid_ idea. He'd just been desperate.

"No way!"

The silence was broken by Simon, in an incredulous tone.

Alec looked up, his heart beating fast. Was it that obvious that this was a cover-up?

Simon was laughing. "You told me you weren't going to ask her!" He leaned over to thump Alec on the arm.

Lydia turned to him, smiling. "You told your friends about me?"

"N-no, I – um…" Alec stuttered.

"He told me he liked _someone,_ but he wouldn't say who." Simon supplied. "Welcome to the group, Lydia."

Alec chanced a glance round at the rest of his friends as his heart slowed. Jace was grinning, a manic light in his eyes as his eyes flicked between Alec and Lydia. Izzy's expression was blank, but Alec could see a flicker of hurt in her steady gaze. Clary looked confused, but there was also pity there that Alec quickly looked away from. Will and Jem were appraising Lydia with small smiles. Only Magnus and Tessa weren't looking at them, he noticed, out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, well, well." Jace leaned forward, smirking. "Isn't our little Alec growing up, finally finding the courage to ask someone out."

"I'm older than you, Jace." Alec replied sarcastically, in response to the condescension.

He didn't look at Magnus again but flushed as he recalled their train wreck of a conversation the day before.

"So…" Clary began, her voice careful. "How did you two meet?"

Alec was glad when Lydia answered. He was feeling more and more that this had been a huge mistake.

"We're in government class together. I noticed him looking at me as I gave my presentation on Eisenhower's weapons policies." She turned to grin at him. "We hadn't spoken much before, but he caught me after class and asked me."

There was a collective _aww_ round the table, but Alec noticed that Clary, Izzy, Magnus and Tessa didn't join in.

"Well it's a good thing you didn't want to go with Helen," Jace winked at him. "Did you guys hear? She asked Aline."

Alec dropped his fork in astonishment.

"Aline Penhallow?" Simon asked, echoing Alec's thoughts. "A girl?"

"Yes, Simon." Clary replied, sarcasm dripping off her words. "Well done for noticing that Aline is, in fact, a girl."

"No, I didn't mean – it's just – she seemed interested in Alec, is all." Simon backtracked quickly.

"She came to me after school yesterday." Clary said, to the table in general, though Alec felt her gaze on him once more.

"She said she'd been confused for a while, and scared what people would think. You suggested that she go with Alec," she nodded at Simon. "And she thought that maybe she could like him. But then Helen asked her, and she's had a crush on her for ages. She said she was tired of hiding who she was."

Alec focused on the food in front of him, ignoring her implication – which was _definitely_ directed at him. He didn't notice how Magnus's head had jerked up at her words.

"Well," Izzy said, speaking up for the first time since Alec had sat down. "I guess you're no longer the only out person in school, Magnus."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I suppose not." She didn't miss the way his gaze flicked momentarily to Alec.

.

"Magnus! Hey, wait up!"

He turned on his way out of the dining room, pausing to allow Clary to catch up with him.

"Hey, biscuit." He linked his arm through hers as she fell into step beside him. "What's up?"

"Are you ok?"

He tensed for a moment, then relaxed, slipping into the persona he had well cultivated throughout the years.

"Ok? Why, I'm fabulous! I'm Magnus Bane, darling."

She didn't buy it, raising her eyebrows at him.

"You forget that I've known you a long while, _fabulous Magnus Bane._ "

It was true; Clary and her family had been the first to welcome him to Idris, after Catarina had met her mother Jocelyn at her art studio downtown. Catarina had quickly given up painting, discovering that she was truly awful at it. She had patience, lots of it, but preferred to utilise it in her work at the hospital, not in creating aesthetically pleasing pictures. But she'd remained friends with Jocelyn, and their two families had become fast friends. The Fairchild's had had no shortage of hard times and they had bonded through their survival of them.

Magnus and Clary especially, had felt a kinship, both knowing what it was like to live with an abusive father. Those times were behind them now, thankfully, but sometimes Magnus was forcefully reminded of how well she understood him.

He turned to her, allowing his façade to drop.

"Fine." He took a deep breath, frowning as though it pained him to admit his feelings. "Camille asked me to the dance, and I said yes."

He raised a hand as she opened her mouth, looking furious. "Don't. I've already heard it from Alec."

She deflated. "Is that why you're fighting?"

He sighed, running his hands through his hair, ruining his gelled quiff.

"Honestly, I don't know." He bit his lip, looking vulnerable. "Afterward, I – I told Camille I can't go with her."

"Because you want to go with Alec?" She supplied gently, her hand on his arm.

He looked up, frowning. "I don't know when exactly I broadcast my love for Alexander Lightwood, but a lot of people seem to have caught the program."

Clary smiled ruefully. "Oh, Magnus. You may do well at hiding everything else, but you broadcast _that_ every single time you look at him. He may be blind, but the rest of us aren't."

Magnus gaped. "So, everyone…"

"Well, ok. Not _everyone_." Clary amended. "Jace is too oblivious for his own good. He's lucky he's pretty." She shook her head fondly. "And Simon doesn't see anything but Izzy. But everyone else…yeah."

Magnus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, either way."

She waited for him to continue, her green eyes sympathetic. "I thought – I thought maybe he was asking me to go with him, but didn't know how to say it…Camille ruined that." He laughed humourlessly. "But obviously not, because…" He waved his hand at the dining room where Alec still sat with Lydia.

Clary swallowed. "Magnus." She shook her head. "I love you, and Alec. But you can both be idiots sometimes."

He looked confused.

"You both like each other! Just, tell him – straight-up – how you feel."

He shook his head vigorously. "N-no. He doesn't – look, I thought he might but – "

He looked lost, and Clary's heart went out to him. The last time she'd seen that look had been years ago, when he was small, skinny and new to their town.

"But what?"

"You should have seen the look on his face when I asked if he was offering to be my date. He's not into – he's not interested."

"But – "

"No, Clary." He was frustrated now. Why was everyone trying to interfere with his love life? "Look, I was going to ask him. Just in case. But now he shows up with her…" he shot a glare in their direction "and I got the message."

With that he turned and stalked away, rearranging his features into the haughty coolness that he was famous for.

 _._

"Alexander, may you pass the butter please?"

Maryse broke the silence that had descended when they'd sat down to eat.

Family dinner was traditional every Friday night in the Lightwood household, and pretty much the only time they gathered together. Robert and Maryse were busy people, as befits Idris's leading attorneys. This suited their children fine; Alec often preferred his own company, or that of Jace and Izzy when they weren't out doing god knows what.

He knew he should be grateful that he had two parents, unlike so many others – Magnus, Clary, Simon and Tessa all knew what it was like to lose a parent. But Alec was glad that they were often working and so was required to spend limited time with them. It wasn't that he didn't love them, he just felt that they saw the world in a very different way to how he did. They were rigidly strict and formal, having both been raised by upstanding, middle-class Christian parents. Alec was exceedingly grateful that they hadn't carried their religious beliefs further – he didn't know if he could handle sitting in a Church every Sunday morning listening to a dreary old pastor drone on and on about how he was going to hell. But everything else about the way they conducted their lives was blandly conventional.

He passed the butter.

"So how are you all doing in your studies?" Robert asked.

Izzy was being uncharacteristically quiet, picking at her food and glancing at Alec now and then.

Jace was still oblivious to the tension between them, looking comfortable as he dug into his food. He answered, diving into a conversation about football stats and scholarships.

Alec was content to mirror Izzy, picking at his food and tuning out the banal conversation. He continued to do so, lost in his own thoughts until he heard something that snapped him out of it.

He glanced up, his mouth full, to see Jace winking at him and his parents looking delighted. He swallowed unceremoniously.

"Sorry?"

"Alec, darling." Maryse's voice was uncharacteristically warm. "Why didn't you tell us you had a date to Homecoming?"

His cheeks went red.

"I – um…" he didn't know what to say.

It seemed that Jace had already filled them in.

"And Lydia Branwell! I work with her mother, you know."

"Delightful family. Very successful." Robert supplied.

"We're very proud of you, Alec. We'd love to meet her sometime."

Alec's mouth dropped open. Luckily, Izzy came to his rescue.

"Mum, dad…they haven't even been out yet. Give him a little space."

He shot her a wordless thank you.

"You're right, Isabelle." Maryse looked contrite. "But Alexander – don't let her go! She'd be a lovely addition to the family."

He jerked, his heart racing fast. _What._

"Mother…I'm only seventeen." His voice was strangled.

She tutted. "I know, Alec. But you're off to college soon, then before you know it you'll be a surgeon and looking to start a family. I was young when your father proposed, you know. There's nothing wrong with having a plan for your life."

Alec supposed that he might be having some sort of panic attack.

"I – I've got to go." He managed, standing up. "Lots of homework to do, y'know…if I want to get into college."

"Alright, darling." Maryse looked bemused. "It's good to know that you're focused on the right things."

He managed to leave the dining room without tripping up in his haste, though he did bang his shoulder against the doorway as he heard his mother turn her attention on his siblings.

"You two would do well to follow his example."

He could have laughed.

He was very sure that his mother did _not_ want them following his example.

Not for the first time he wondered how exactly they would react when they found out that he wasn't at all interested in finding a girl to date, marry and have a bunch of children with.

He felt sick to his stomach even considering the possibility.

When, exactly, had his life become so messed up?

Why had he asked Lydia to be his date?

He couldn't back out now, he knew. She was so excited to go – he'd left her after lunch discussing dresses with Tessa and Jem.

And now his family knew…

He collapsed on his bed when he reached his room, burdened with self-pity. It was no-ones fault but his own, he recognised.

In the space of a week he'd confirmed to a friend that he was gay, almost asked Magnus out, lost Magnus as a friend and gotten a date with a girl.

In his normally uneventful life he supposed that he had been due a bit of drama.

Still, he had no idea how to get himself out of the mess he'd made.


	8. Homecoming

The next week passed in a blur for Alec.

He endured Jace's endless ribbing about his forthcoming date with Lydia (though Alec refused to see it as such – they were simply going to the dance together. He hoped she didn't expect anything more), Izzy's silence and meaningful stares and the warm smiles his parents directed his way every time Homecoming was brought up.

He passed through the days in a mindless haze, disconnecting with the world around him.

He and Magnus still weren't speaking, and Alec had taken to eating lunch with Lydia and her friends simply to escape the awkwardness that descended whenever they were around each other.

Clary had found him on the Monday to tell him that Magnus had broken his date with Camille, and was going to the dance alone. Apparently it caused quite the stir around the school's gossip circles; Magnus had never _not_ had a date before. As well as the fact that he had snubbed Camille – the reigning Queen Bee. Alec didn't pay attention to gossip, but he did notice that she didn't seem too bothered by it. She had quickly found a new date, a tall pale boy on the football team with Jace, by the name of Quincey.

He was shocked that Magnus had broken it off with her, though. He wondered why. Surely not because of what Alec had said to him; he had text messaged Magnus after Clary had spoken to him, asking if he was ok and apologising for going off on him that day. He felt that he could handle contacting him since he had Lydia now; as much as he'd rather go to the dance with Magnus, date Magnus, be with Magnus…the previous week had shaken him. Even if Magnus was interested in him – which he obviously wasn't – Alec just wasn't ready for the world to judge him for whom he chose to love.

But Magnus hadn't replied to his text and Alec felt heavier every time he saw him, coldness spreading through his veins. He didn't know what to do to close the rift that had opened up between them.

His mother took him shopping for a suit even though tried to protest, telling her that he had planned on wearing one he'd had stored in the back of his closet from the last time they'd attended a black tie event.

"Nonsense Alec, you've grown since then! And this is a special event, I want your first date with Miss Branwell to be a night you'll remember."

He'd ignored the sharp pang in his heart and acquiesced, allowing her to dress him. It had been a long and arduous afternoon, but eventually they'd settled on a charcoal grey blazer with matching pants, a fitted white shirt that clung to his body like none of his others did and an azure bowtie that matched the exact colour of his eyes.

His mother had stepped back proudly and snapped a photo with instructions to send it to Lydia so she could match him.

It was the longest week of his life, but Saturday finally came around, the morning of the dance.

Alec woke slowly, smiling as the remnants of his dream faded away. He blinked in the faint morning light as green-gold eyes faded from his mind, disappointed to realise that they were not before him. He remembered the hurt that had clouded those beautiful eyes the last time he had looked into them, and his smile slipped away.

A cold dread settled in as he remembered what day it was. He'd been praying for it to come, wanting for it to be over. But now that it had arrived, he wasn't sure he'd be able to make himself get out of bed. He managed to remain under the covers for another hour or so, but then his mother was calling up to him and he unwillingly forced himself to rise and dress.

As the day progressed his skin began to prickle with increasing intensity.

His first date with a girl.

It felt so _wrong._

But his mother was smiling so widely, and fussing over non-existent creases in his suit.

Finally the doorbell rang and Alec took a deep breath, praying that the evening would be over soon.

He opened it to reveal Lydia, who was looking radiant in her sweeping gown of golden silk. It was a few shades darker than her hair, which was done up in a complicated twist of braids and arranged to sit elegantly over her shoulder. The gown was cinched at her waist with a thick band of azure silk, perfectly matching the colour of Alec's bowtie. He gulped as he realised how good they would look together. She was a nice enough person, but he didn't want to look good next to her. He didn't want to look like her other half. The crisp collar of his shirt suddenly felt too tight, constricting his airway.

"Hello," she said politely, stepping into the house.

He nodded, moving out of the way, unable to meet her eyes.

"Lydia, darling!" His mother's ecstatic voice echoed through the hallway as she came down the stairs to embrace his date. "It's so lovely to meet you at last!"

Alec stood by awkwardly as they spoke, not sure what the etiquette was. Eventually Maryse arranged them for photographs, pulling him over to stand beside her. Though he felt possibly more uncomfortable than he had in his entire life as she instructed him to place his arm around her waist, he didn't have to do a thing. He felt like a doll as his mother instructed them to look this way and that, painting the romantic picture of a perfect couple. He left his palm hovering over the material of Lydia's dress, his touch so light that he couldn't feel her body underneath. Thankfully she seemed to recognise his awkwardness and didn't press into his touch.

It seemed to take an age but Maryse eventually let them go, Lydia piping up that they didn't want to be late. Jace had already left to pick Clary up at her house and Alec was driving Simon and Izzy since neither of them had a licence yet. Simon had arrived a short while ago, which had prolonged the photo process, Maryse insisting on individual as well as group shots. He looking surprisingly dashing in a sleek black suit subtly embellished with crimson trim, matching Izzy's dark red gown. It looked amazing on her, Alec noted with pride and a little vestige of brotherly worry. It was strapless and hugged tight to her hips, before flaring out dramatically in little ruffles. With her creamy skin and sleek dark hair she looked like a very fancy flamenco dancer. Usually he would hate to see her go out in an outfit like that, wanting to stick close to her and protect her from the hungry eyes of both men and women that followed her wherever she went. But she had Simon tonight, and with the way that she looked at him, her usually mischievous dark eyes bright and shining, he knew he wouldn't have to worry about her entertaining the advances of anyone else.

They made it out the door and were soon cruising toward the school, Alec's nerves growing with each second that ticked by.

Magnus would be there, he knew. He didn't have a date – Alec thought – but he'd heard that he was going with Will, Jem and Tessa, as a group.

Would Magnus speak to him? Would they continue to ignore each other? Alec didn't know what to say, but he didn't think he could handle much longer without Magnus in his life.

.

The first half hour of the dance passed quickly.

They'd arrived to find the ballroom decked out with balloons of silver and gold and the doorways adorned with tassels. The centre space functioned as a dance floor, surrounded by a ring of circular tables draped in ivory satin. A refreshments table ran along the back wall and it was there that Alec had been lingering, close enough to Lydia, who was sitting at one of the tables with some of her friends but far enough away that he wasn't required to join in the conversation.

Jace and Clary had disappeared almost immediately; Alec didn't want to think of what they might be up to. Izzy had dragged Simon onto the dance floor and though he'd flapped about awkwardly at first, he now seemed to be having the time of his life as she twirled and shimmied round him. Alec was envious; Simon looked like he thought himself the luckiest man in the world, and Alec supposed he was – not only had he won the affections of his sister, of whom he thought everything, but he was free to share his love openly.

He glanced toward Lydia, feeling a pang of shame as he realised what a lousy date he was being. She deserved better.

He was just about to go to her, to suggest that they dance for one song, when a group of newcomers entering the room caught his eye.

His heart lurched as he recognised them.

Will and Jem were wearing matching suits of light grey, looking dashing in purple ties that complemented both their colourings. Tessa looked resplendent in a gown of deep violet, demure but regal. They cut quite the trio. But Alec's eyes skipped over them, drawn to the fourth member of their group.

Magnus.

He seemed to stand in in razor sharp focus as the rest of the room blurred out of Alec's vision.

He was dressed up smarter than Alec had ever seen him, but very understated as well. His suit was black, paired with a bright blue shirt that Alec could see glimmering even from all the way across the room. He wondered what material it was made of, what it would feel like under his fingers; probably soft, but Magnus's muscles underneath would be hard…

Alec gulped. Magnus wasn't wearing a tie, and had left the top few buttons of his shirt undone. The sliver of smooth brown chest on show wasn't helping Alec tear his thoughts away from things he didn't want to think about.

Magnus's head snapped round suddenly, as though he could feel Alec's gaze on him. Alec flushed immediately and forced his eyes away. He stumbled forward and ungracefully claimed the chair besides Lydia, his cheeks burning. She turned to smile at him softly, which he returned. He hoped he didn't look as pained as he felt.

He tried to concentrate on the conversation for a few minutes, but his mind was swimming. What should he do? Should he go up to Magnus? Would Magnus snub him here as he had done for the past week?

He was shaken out of his internal reverie as he caught a glimpse of silver-blonde in the corner of his eye.

Camille.

She was holding the arm of her date; Quincey was looking very stately in an all-black suit that matched the shade of his hair, contrasting starkly with the pallor of his skin. But her attention seemed elsewhere as she scanned the room, her dark eyes narrowed.

He watched her expression change as she apparently found what she'd been looking for.

She dropped the arm she'd been clinging to immediately and swept across the room. Alec watched in disbelief as she approached Magnus head on, where he stood leaning against a wall besides Jem as Tessa and Will danced. He waited for him to dismiss her and walk away, but he instead broke out into a smirk, answering whatever she had said to him.

Alec went cold as Jem nodded to Magnus, discreetly moving away to give them privacy. Camille moved forward, reaching out a pale hand to lay it on Magnus's arm. He didn't appear to protest.

Alec looked away, feeling sick. He vaguely heard someone speaking to him.

"What?" He blurted out, his voice sharper than he'd intended.

"I just asked if you were okay?" Lydia asked, looking at him in concern.

"Um, yeah. Yes, I'm fine." He replied, mechanically.

"Ok. Good." She looked unconvinced, appraising him suspiciously.

"Do you want to – " But she didn't get to finish as Alec's phone buzzed, making him jump.

 _From: Izzy – Meet me outside, in the Gazebo. Urgent._

Alec sat upright, leaning forward to scan the dance floor. She and Simon seem to have disappeared, while he'd been distracted by Magnus. A pang of fear shot through him. She couldn't be in trouble, could she?

 _To: Izzy – Why? What's wrong? Are you ok?_

Her reply was instantaneous.

 _From: Izzy – Yes, I just need to see you, alone. Please._

He sighed in relief. Knowing her, it was probably nothing. She'd probably ripped her dress with all the exuberant dancing she'd been doing and was freaking out about it. He didn't know how he could help with that particular dilemma, but he'd go and see her all the same.

"I, uh, have to go check on Izzy." He said to Lydia, pocketing his phone. "I'll be right back, ok?"

"Is she alright?" She asked, biting her lip.

"Yeah, I think so. She just wanted me to come outside." Alec stood. He wouldn't mind getting some fresh air, he thought. At least he wouldn't have to watch Camille brazenly flirting with Magnus. He stopped himself from glancing at them again.

"Is it alright if I come with you?" Lydia asked. "It's kind of hot in here, and I bet the gardens look beautiful at night."

He hesitated. Izzy had said alone, but there was no harm in bringing Lydia, he was sure.

"Of course." He held a hand out to help her up and they made their way outside.

She was right, the gardens _were_ beautiful. It was a clear and crisp night and a crescent moon was hanging in the sky, lending a subtle glow as they made their way to the gazebo.

It was a small but beautifully crafted circular structure, intended as a place for students to sit in and hang out during the summer months. Tonight it was looking particularly picturesque; someone had woven silver vines in between the panels of oak, and sprinkled rose petals across the floor.

They stepped into it, Lydia exclaiming how nice it was over and over again.

Alec agreed, but couldn't help frowning. It was empty, save for them.

 _To: Izzy – Where are you?_

He sighed. He loved his sister, but she was a disaster. Maybe she had fixed her problem already. Still, it was nice to stand outside, the breeze a welcome coolness against his skin. He joined Lydia at the back, leaning out to appreciate the quietness of the night around them.

"I'm glad I came here with you, Alec." She said suddenly. Her voice was soft but surprised him.

"Really?" He couldn't help sounding sarcastic. He hadn't been the most attentive date.

She laughed, turning to him. "Yes. You've been the perfect gentleman. Most guys would have tried something with me by now; they think that 'dance' equates to 'automatic hook-up'."

He blushed, fidgeting awkwardly. "Well, I – uh, yeah. To me it's just a dance." He said lamely.

"So you don't want to hook up?" She joked.

His eyes widened before he saw her grin, and relaxed.

"You're a good guy, Alec." She smiled at him. "But you know, it is okay to touch me. You don't have to be a gentleman all the time."

This time he couldn't detect humour in her tone, and he didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to do? What did one do, on a date? He did the first thing that crossed his mind, reaching out to take her hand. She squeezed it reassuringly, but it did nothing to calm his nerves.

What was she expecting from him?

He swallowed as she stepped closer, her face tilted.

 _Oh no._

She picked up his other hand and placed them both on her waist. His hands felt like lead; he wanted to move them, wanted to step away, to explain that this was a mistake, that she shouldn't make any further moves, that she deserved better than him…

But he had asked her out, he reminded himself. He felt awful for deceiving her, she was a genuinely nice person. She was beautiful, and kind, and she liked him. He should feel so lucky, but all he felt was pure horror as her face hovered closer and closer to his.

And then…

"Alec?" A voice sounded. A voice he knew well.

"Magnus!"

Alec blurted out, in shock. He hastily removed his hands from Lydia's waist, unable to hold back the waves of relief that coursed over his body. But they were quickly replaced with anger.

"What are you doing here?"

Magnus narrowed his eyes. "I could ask you the same question."

"I should think it's obvious." He motioned between himself and Lydia awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.

He did, however, catch the venomous look Magnus shot her.

"Isabelle sent me." Magnus said, glaring at him through his heavily made-up eyes.

"She sent me too…" Alec replied, doubt creeping into his voice. "Do you think…" he trailed off, heart beating fast. Magnus's expression changed too, as he glanced round at the scattered rose petals.

"Maybe I should go…" Lydia suggested, stepping back.

"NO." Magnus and Alec said together, with vehemence.

"Really." She said, backing away. "Alec, I'll see you inside, ok?"

He took a half-hearted step after her then stopped. He stood awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. He wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Well, dear Isabelle is nothing if not dramatic, I do say…" Magnus didn't sound angry anymore, just amused. He was leaning against one of the wooden posts, half-blocking Alec's way out. He looked exceedingly feline, more than usual, with his lazy posture and winged eye-liner. Glitter shimmered on his eyelids, the same blue as his shirt.

Alec swallowed, dragging his eyes away.

"Where's Camille?" He tried to sound snarky but he thought he just sounded bitter. Oh well. It sounded enough like anger to be mistaken.

"Inside." Magnus waited, eyebrow raised. When Alec didn't say anything, he sighed.

"Alexander, we have to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about, Magnus."

"Oh?" Magnus's tone was dry. "So everything is okay between us?"

Alec looked down, his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking.

"You didn't reply to my text." He said eventually. He couldn't bring himself to walk away. He had to get some answers, because he was tired of trying to pretend like everything was fine.

Magnus narrowed his eyes.

"Why?" Alec asked.

Magnus paused, the space between them seeming to hum with Alec's trepidation.

"The things you said…" he said eventually. "they hurt."

"I apologised." Alec said quickly.

"In a _text_." Magnus said, dryly. "In person – you wouldn't even look at me." He didn't bother to disguise the pain in his voice.

"You wouldn't look at me either." A note of pleading entered Alec's voice.

"I was confused, Alec. I didn't know where I stood with you." He sighed, looking around. He supposed he had nothing left to lose. "I still don't…it kind of sounded like – like you were asking me to be your date." He said, speaking quickly as though to get it over with. "But then you seemed so conflicted, and you were adamant that you only meant to go with me as my friend."

"You are my friend." Alec said, carefully.

"Is that all I am to you?" Magnus asked. His voice was quiet but to Alec the words sounded so loud.

They seemed to have gravitated together whilst they had been talking, and suddenly were standing with only a sliver of space between them.

"I – " Alec whispered. His throat had gone dry. From this proximity he could see the individual lashes that framed Magnus's eyes, the eyes that seemed to sparkle every time they looked at him. Magnus's caramel skin was smooth; Alec wanted nothing more than to reach out and brush his fingers across his cheek bone, to feel Magnus tremble under his touch. His full, bow-shaped lips were parted slightly, looking so soft and inviting…Alec jerked as he realised he'd been staring at them. He could feel his heart racing, his cheeks flushing.

"Lydia…" He gasped. His brain seemed to have short circuited. He didn't know what he wanted to do; his nerves felt as though they'd been electrified, buzzing over his skin.

Magnus pulled back infinitesimally, looking at him with an intensity that made his knees weak.

"Are you in love with Lydia?" He murmured, his voice cracking slightly.

Alec couldn't answer, the words seemed to get stuck on the way to his mouth. Time seemed to freeze as his eyes were drawn back to Magnus's lips, and he noticed the way his breathing seemed to hitch under Alec's gaze. He leaned forward at the same time as Magnus, as though they were opposite poles of a magnet, unable to resist the pull toward each other. He felt Magnus's breath against his skin; it smelled like cinnamon and vanilla, and sent such a strong wave of longing through Alec that it seemed to crash against him.

He jerked backwards in the moment before their lips touched, as though he'd been physically pulled away from Magnus.

Magnus froze, the pain and confusion in his eyes evident even to Alec.

Alec felt his heart thrumming faster than before, fear pulsing through him with every beat.

"I – I'm sorry." He gasped. "I have to go."


	9. Was It All Just a Fantasy?

Alec wrenched his gaze away from Magnus and pushed his way out of the Gazebo, his breaths coming in short gasps. He ran through the grounds, all the way back to the ballroom where he stopped to take some deep breaths. He pushed his hands through his hair, agonising at what had almost just happened. At what he had wanted to happen…

His heart was still thumping as loudly as it had been when Magnus's lips were a hair's breadth away from his own. It would have been so easy to close the remaining distance between them, to press his mouth softly on Magnus's, to kiss him like he'd wanted to every moment since the first time he'd laid eyes on him.

But he'd bolted instead.

He couldn't kiss Magnus. If he had, he knew somehow, deep down, that he wouldn't be able to stop. It would be a line over which once he'd crossed, the way back would be barred eternally. He'd refrained for so long, kept his feelings locked away in a deep, dark corner of his mind.

For so many years it had been easy, because Magnus hadn't been interested in him. Alec was too shy to instigate anything, to flirt or act suggestively – and Magnus had never shown anything more than platonic inclination toward him.

But now?

He'd leaned in, Alec was sure. Izzy had been telling him that Magnus liked him. _Liked_ him, liked him. Clary thought so too. He had seen the look in Magnus's eyes himself, when he'd almost kissed Lydia.

It was all too easy for him to recognise jealousy; he was well familiar with that particular emotion, after years of watching Magnus's lovers come and go.

That Magnus would ever desire _him_ in that way had been unthinkable.

But now – he wanted it. He wanted it so badly he could feel an invisible force pushing against him, in the direction of the Gazebo he'd just run from.

But Alec could think clearly now. Magnus's intoxicating scent was no longer flooding his brain.

No, his mind was clear as his parents faces swam sharply into view; the rigid lines of the stern expressions they wore by proxy sending cold shivers down his spine.

They disapproved of the smallest of infractions.

What they would say if they ever found out that Alec desired the touch of another boy…the love of a boy, maybe even one day to marry a boy, instead of a girl…he couldn't even imagine.

It had always been some sort of hypothetical future, a hypothetical relationship, a hypothetical falling out with his parents.

But now that future was no longer confined to the distant horizon.

It was tangible, present, within reach.

And it terrified him.

Because he could have everything he'd ever wanted, and he could lose everything he'd ever had.

It was an impasse.

He loved Magnus, he knew that. But he didn't know if he could give up his life for him.

A familiar heaviness settled in his stomach, replacing the butterflies that had been there before. He took one last deep breath and squared his shoulders. Perhaps he could forget this ever happened. Perhaps he could go on as normal.

.

Alec re-entered the ballroom once he'd composed himself, feeling a familiar mask slip into place.

However, he hadn't gone more than a few steps before someone grabbed his arm and he was yanked into a corner.

"What happened?" Izzy's eyes were wide and eager, her grip on Alec bordering on painful. "Where's Magnus?"

He twisted out of her grasp, glaring at her.

"When," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Are you going to stop messing in my life?" He threw all of his pain and anger and irritation with himself into his words, feeling satisfied when her face dropped.

"Alec, I just wanted – "

"I know what you wanted Izzy! But you can't force me to come out ok? I'm not ready for that!"

He was frustrated. He knew she meant well, she always did. But sometimes she was too much for him to handle.

She drew back, looking angry. "I'm not forcing you to come out Alec! I'm trying to get you to admit your feelings!"

"I already did, Izzy."

"Not to the person who matters most!" The intensity in her voice increased. "Alec, I know you're scared. But you're punishing yourself for something that you can't help! I just want you to be okay." She finished, frowning.

"I'm fine!" He insisted. He glanced round the crowded ballroom, spotting Lydia at the refreshments table. "I have to go."

"You can't ignore this forever Alec." Izzy pinned him with a gaze their mother would have been proud of, before she turned and stalked away, as though she couldn't bear to be near Alec anymore.

He sighed, shrugging it off. He couldn't deal with his sister's disappointment in him right now. He made a beeline for Lydia.

"Do you want to dance?" He asked, bluntly, in lieu of a greeting.

She looked surprised but took the hand he held out and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor.

He'd never danced with anyone before, but he knew how it worked. He placed his hand on her waist, feeling much less awkward than before. He pushed away all other thoughts and concentrated on Lydia in front of him. They swayed and moved backwards and forwards to the soft music that was trickling from hidden speakers.

"So," Lydia said, breaking the silence. "Is…everything okay?"

He tensed. "Of course." His own voice sounded strange and distant. "I'm sorry for being a bad date." He said, voicing his earlier guilt.

She smiled at him, something in her eyes that he couldn't discern. "Don't be."

They swayed for another minute as Alec gathered his courage. If he was going to do this, be this person…he may as well do it right.

"Maybe…maybe we could do this again sometime?" His voice cracked at the end, but he hoped she didn't notice.

She halted, looking up at him curiously. "Do…what?" She asked, genuinely.

He flushed. "Go…out? Again? If you want?"

She was silent, tension filling the space between them.

"Um…I don't think that's a good idea, Alec." She said eventually.

He dropped his hands from her waist, her rejection hitting him even as he was relieved by it.

"Um…okay. Sorry." He turned to go but was stopped by her hand on his arm.

"Alec, I…" she paused, biting her lip. "I meant what I said outside. You're a good guy. But – I saw the way you were looking at Magnus."

He froze, gasping. His heart thudded painfully. He wanted to run, but was held in place by the pressure of her hand.

"Hey, Alec." Her voice was soft, calm, in the way one might speak to a frightened animal. "It's okay. You deserve to be happy."

She was rubbing his arm soothingly, smiling up at him. He could only nod, smiling weakly back.

She let go and turned, after squeezing his arm in farewell. He stood alone in the middle of the dance floor, thinking.

So much had happened that night.

He felt weak, needing to sit down.

.

Magnus stood still in the middle of the Gazebo after Alec left him, the rose petals on the ground seeming to mock him.

He could still feel Alec's breath ghosting over his skin, smelling like mint and fresh strawberries.

He wondered if he would taste the same, like the intoxicating tangy sweetness that had gone straight to his head.

He closed his eyes. He would never know.

Alec had felt something for him, he was sure of it. But he was also sure that he'd scared him off.

He wondered how long Alec had been in the closet for. Both Izzy and Clary had told him that he liked him. Had it been a recent development, or had Magnus been missing the signs for longer..? Was it real now, or did he just want to believe it?

Either way, whatever Alec felt for him he had clearly pushed down so far it was unlikely Magnus would ever be able to pull it out. He wanted to try, more than anything. But what would it cost him? Alec was right, Camille _had_ broken him, or at least, she almost had.

It had been Alec, only Alec who had managed to pull him out of that hole. And it was only Alec who could push him in again.

He left the Gazebo, trailing slowly through the moonlit gardens back toward the ballroom. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, just that he had to know. He couldn't bear to let Alec slip away from him, no matter how fast he tried to run away.

But his shaky convictions failed him when he stood poised in the doorway that opened up into the ballroom. There were no tables between him and the dancefloor, and this gave him a clear view of something that made his heart clench painfully.

Alec was on the dancefloor, his hands gripping Lydia's waist. They weren't moving much; he knew Alec wasn't one for dancing. But he was gazing into Lydia's eyes with an openness that cut Magnus like a knife. They looked perfect together, he realised. Matching outfits, Alec's dark head bowed toward Lydia's blonde one…

He had turned before he realised, the compulsion to just _go_ overwhelming him. He felt tears prickle his eyes as he reached his car, glad that he'd arranged to meet Will, Jem and Tessa at the school.

He jumped inside and started the engine, blinking furiously.

What had he expected?

Alec hadn't promised him anything.

Alec hadn't admitted to anything.

What had he been thinking? _Are you in love with Lydia?_ Of course he probably wasn't, this had been their first date. Who asked a question like that? But just because he hadn't answered, it didn't mean that he didn't _like_ her.

Clary and Izzy must have been mistaken. He knew how terrible they were for matchmaking; especially Izzy. Clearly she'd suspected her brother might be gay, and thought it would be _so romantic_ if she set him up with his best friend. _How cute_ that would have been.

But just because Alec hadn't dated before, that didn't mean he was gay.

Magnus didn't know what to think anymore.

They might have had a moment in the Gazebo, they might have not. But either way, it didn't matter. Alec was with Lydia, and Magnus was alone. That was how it was meant to be.

He was home before he knew it, and was savagely slamming the car door shut. It wasn't too late and he knew his parents would be waiting up for him so he didn't worry about waking them. He wished they weren't though.

"Magnus?"

Catarina called as soon as he turned his key in the lock.

He didn't answer but she came into the hall anyway.

"You're home early?" She questioned. He was silent, not sure of what excuse to give. Her smile faded as she took him in.

"Magnus, what's wrong?" She moved forward, motherly worry painting a frown on her forehead. He flinched away from her outstretched arm, moving toward the staircase.

"Nothing," he said, his voice sounding detached. He just wanted to be alone. "I'm fine. Just tired."

She looked unconvinced but let him go, hovering in the hallway even after she heard his bedroom door close behind him.

A pair of warm arms encircled her from behind, startling her.

"He'll be okay." Ragnor murmured into her ear. "Give him time. He'll talk when he wants to."

She turned in his embrace, sighing. "I know. He's just seemed…down for a while now."

She wanted to say more but didn't have to; her husband knew better than anyone her perpetual worries when it came to Magnus. They'd been through the trauma together, and he knew that she never stopped thinking about how it had affected him.

"He'll be okay." He repeated, kissing the side of her head.


	10. Finally

Alec managed to find an empty table in the very corner of the room and collapsed into one of the chairs there.

He felt exhausted.

He'd been sitting there for about ten minutes, watching his friends laughing together on the dance floor, when Jace materialised beside him.

"Thirsty?" he asked, holding a cup of punch out to Alec.

Alec accepted the drink, grimacing at the sweetness as he took a sip.

"Thanks." He said, his voice hollow.

Jace looked him sideways.

"You okay, buddy?"

Alec looked down, not even sure how to lie any more. His life – and his feelings, for that matter – had never been so complicated.

"You know, Alec…" Jace's voice was soft, and unusually devoid of humour. "You can talk to me about anything."

Alec shook his head wearily.

"It's just…life." He said, lamely.

"Life." Jace echoed, nodding in agreement. "Well…if there's one thing I've learned from life," he folded his arms in false superiority, nudging Alec's shoulder with his own. "It's that you will never find happiness by ignoring your heart."

Alec snapped his head up, looking quizzically at his brother. Jace gave him a sad smile, and Alec's breath caught in his throat.

"Did you…Did Izzy talk to you?"

"Izzy? No." Jace paused, placing his hand on the back of Alec's chair. "I was in the gardens. With Clary."

Alec stilled, fear collecting in his gut.

"I saw you with Magnus." Jace continued quietly, confirming his worst fears.

Alec made a move to stand, his muscles screaming at him to bolt, but Jace's hand quickly clapped onto his shoulder, keeping him there.

"Alec – it's okay." He gazed intently into his eyes. "It's just – I don't know why you didn't tell me."

"There's nothing going on between us." Alec found his voice, even if it was a little strangled.

"Oh, I know. Clary filled me in."

Alec closed his eyes. He hated his friends.

"She tried to cover for you first, you know. But I knew what I'd seen. It made sense."

Alec's eyes flew open.

" _What?_ You're saying that I look – that it's obvious I like – "

"No, no. It makes sense because I know you, Alec. I've seen you around Magnus. You two just…make sense."

Alec relaxed a little. There was no lie in Jace's gaze. He really did think it was okay. He accepted Alec for who he was.

He suddenly felt so relieved that he couldn't suppress a shiver. He was surprised at how good it felt, having Jace know, even if it had been a mistake. He felt a little of the weight he'd been carrying around for so long dissipate.

"Do you love him?" Jace asked, loosening his grip on Alec's shoulder as though he could sense Alec was no longer a flight risk.

"I – I – "

This was new ground, for Alec. He and Jace had never spoken about romantic emotions before. And this question hurt. Of course he loved Magnus, it was the one thing he was sure of in his life right now. But he had left him, had hurt him.

"It doesn't matter." He sighed.

"Why not?" Jace looked confused.

"Because," Alec said slowly, "I can't…be with him."

"Why not?" Jace repeated. He was looking at Alec as though he was crazy.

"I don't think Mom and Dad would ever…"

"Mom and Dad," Jace interrupted. "Can go fuck themselves if they have a problem with this." He looked angry, and incredulous. "Are you serious, Alec? That's why you're fighting it?"

Alec floundered. He had to admit, now that he knew Jace accepted him, it seemed a lot less scary. But still…his parents were a presence in his life, and no matter how distant and emotionally stunted they might be, he didn't want to lose them.

"Alec."

Somehow, Jace repeating his name was soothing. It grounded him, kept his mind from spiralling away.

"I know it's scary. I can't even imagine what's it's like to think that…but it's not just you, okay? You're hurting Magnus with this too."

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him.

"You don't have to tell Mom and Dad tomorrow, okay, Alec? You just have to start being true to yourself."

Alec took three deep breaths, his heartbeat slowing. Jace was right. He'd known he'd have to make a decision sooner or later. And if later meant pushing Magnus further away, hurting him…if he was honest with himself, his parents didn't even factor into the equation.

"Okay."

He bit his lip, opening his eyes.

"Really?!" Jace sounded scarily like Izzy, when one of her plans worked out.

Alec smiled ruefully, nodding.

"Right." Jace clapped his hands together, looking ecstatic. "Time to go get your man." He punched Alec lightly in the shoulder, ignoring his blush.

Alec stood suddenly, knocking his chair back.

"Do you know where he is?" He didn't care that he sounded eager. It didn't matter.

"If you're talking about Magnus," Clary's voice sounded from behind him. "He left."

Alec whipped round, his face falling. "What?"

Clary tapped the phone she held in her hand. "He left. He messaged me saying he's gone home." She raised her eyebrows at him. "I don't suppose you'd have had anything to do with that?"

Alec gulped. She was at least two heads shorter than him but he felt like a child being reprimanded when she fixed her gaze on him.

"I screwed up." He admitted, ashamedly.

"Well now you get to go and fix it." She said lightly, but forcefully.

"I – I have to drive Lydia home. And Izzy and Simon."

He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling fidgety and on edge. The dance still had an hour left, and he didn't know if he could wait that long to go and see Magnus. Jace only had a two seater car, having chosen style over practicality when he'd turned sixteen.

Jace and Clary's brows were both furrowed as they tried to think of a way out.

"I can drive Simon and Izzy home. I'll return your car tomorrow, if that's okay?"

He turned in surprise to see Lydia, who had come up to them without him realising.

"You would do that?" He asked, dubiously.

She grinned. "I'm a big old romantic, Alec. Now go get him."

Alec stared round at their faces, grinning and eager. He knew his was the same.

"Are you sure…?" He started to say, but was cut off by Jace.

"Alec. If you don't go – NOW – then I'M going to go and tell him that I love him. And don't blame me when he realises that blondes are better." He winked as Clary elbowed him.

"Right." Alec said, feeling his heart begin to race in anticipation. "Bye, then."

He turned and made his way to the entrance, after giving Lydia his car key. He tried not to rush but he couldn't help walking faster than normal, bumping into people as he weaved in and out of the crowds littering the dance floor. As soon as he was outside he broke into a run.

Out of all of them Magnus lived the closest to the school, on the outskirts of Idris instead of in the centre. Often in the summer they'd walk back to his, enjoying the sun and the picturesque fields they passed through. But Alec didn't see them tonight, his mind fixed on one thing and one thing only.

 _._

Alec hammered on the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Hot tendrils of anticipation were coiling restlessly in his stomach, making his breath come even shorter.

Catarina opened the door, raising her eyebrows as she took in Alec's dishevelled appearance.

He pushed past her before she could open her mouth, throwing a breathless "Hi!" over his shoulder, racing up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He didn't pause, didn't give himself time to question things, running on pure adrenaline.

He burst through Magnus' door, into the room where they'd spent so many nights, laughing and talking about everything and anything. Everything that is, except the one thing they'd desperately wanted to talk about.

Magnus was standing at his chest of drawers, clad only in black dress pants, his shirt and tie discarded on the floor between them. The pants were tightly fitted, and Alec swallowed his gulp at the sight of his flawlessly smooth, lean chest and the dark caramel-coloured skin that covered his sculpted muscles. Magnus had frozen at the sound of his door crashing open, his expression one of pure surprise.

"Ale-"

But Magnus hadn't even gotten out Alec's name before the blue-eyed boy had crossed the room, his legs moving before he told them too, and crushed his lips against his own.

His gasp of surprise quickly morphed into a small moan as Alec slid his hands behind his neck, holding him in place as he kissed him desperately. His hands found Alec's hips, grasping them, pulling him closer, as though he were afraid he would disappear.

Alec pulled away far too soon and Magnus was unable to stop himself from chasing his lips, unable to mask his fearful expression as he immediately worried that Alec would regret what he'd just done.

But Alec was gazing at him, breathing hard, his normally bright blue eyes softened and dark with desire. They flickered from Magnus' own to Magnus' lips as he stood pressed against him, apparently speechless. There was no trace of regret in his expression.

Magnus smirked, tilting his head. "Alexander." He purred breathlessly. "Did you run all the way here?"

He spoke mainly in jest, referring to the flush on Alec's pale skin and the tiny beads of sweat collected at his hair line.

But Alec just nodded, stroking the back of his neck, and Magnus' heart soared.

"Magnus, I lo-" this time it was he who didn't get to finish, as Magnus launched forward and captured his lips in another searing kiss.

Alec broke away again, grinning. "I love you!"

"Alec I love you too, you idiot, now shut up and kiss me!"

Alec did just that, leaning forward to claim Magnus' mouth a third time. This kiss was different, softer and less desperate. They smiled against each other's' mouths, their lips meeting gently in a series of loving embraces that made Alec's toes curl and every nerve in Magnus' body tingle. They took their time, taking care to learn the shape of each other's lips, delighting in the warmth that was growing between them, in the closeness they'd both wished for, for so long.

Alec slid his hands down to Magnus' bare shoulders, caressing the muscles that tensed under his touch.

" _Alec_ " Magnus murmured, into their kiss. His tongue swept out, tracing Alec's bottom lip.

Alec's mouth opened eagerly, granting him entrance, and their tongues met for the first time.

Hot, sharp electricity coursed between the two of them, their mouths suddenly pressing forcefully together, the kiss dramatically intensifying. Alec gasped as Magnus' tongue slid against his own, his legs weakening from the sensations flowing through him. Magnus seemed to be in no more control, unable to stop his moan as Alec grazed his fingers down his chest. He allowed his own hands to travel up, gasping as he pushed them under Alec's shirt, his fingers sweeping over the contours of his back.

Their kisses were frenzied, desperate, the culmination of years of desire, need and hidden love. Alec's hands travelled lower, almost on their own accord, until they grazed the skin just above the button on Magnus' pants.

They seemed to feel it at the same time, the toeing of a line they probably shouldn't cross right there and then. They jumped apart, each immediately missing the warmth of a body pressed against their own.

They stood like that, just staring at the other, until their breathing had slowed, their heartbeats becoming slightly less frantic.

Magnus moved to take Alec's hand, brushing his thumb gently over his pale fingers.

"I love you, Magnus." Alec whispered.

He gazed into Magnus' eyes, open and honest, elation and love shining forth.

Magnus' heart warmed at those words, the words he didn't think he'd ever get sick of hearing, and for once in his life, he felt no inclination whatsoever to be sarcastic or crack a joke. There was no need.

"I love you too, Alec." He replied softly.


	11. The Morning After

Alec woke the next morning with a smile on his face; but this time it didn't fade. If anything it grew wider as he recalled the events of the previous evening, feeling butterflies swoop in his stomach.

He had kissed Magnus.

 _Kissed_ him.

Like he'd been dying to do for over three years!

It had been even better than he'd imagined it, and that was saying something.

He lay in bed for a moment allowing himself to just think. He felt physically well-rested but was mentally a little hung-over – the previous day had been a whirlwind of emotion. He didn't quite know how it had turned out so well.

Magnus had forgiven him.

He hadn't quite been sure exactly what he had been planning on saying to Magnus when he'd gone over, all he'd known was that he had to tell him the truth. Had to do anything to stop hurting him. He hadn't been planning on kissing him, at least not straight away. He'd never been confident enough for something like that.

But opening the door and seeing Magnus standing there, half-dressed right before him, had been enough to silence his brain for a moment.

It wasn't as if he'd never seen Magnus shirtless before, there had been countless times during their friendship, whilst changing for gym class or when they'd stayed over at each other's houses. But he'd always forced himself to avert his eyes. This time had been different, and when Magnus had started to speak his name, his lips moving – those lips which had been so close to his earlier, he'd had no control over his actions.

Looking back, it had been a rather rash move.

He'd known for sure that Magnus liked him, having been told a thousand times by his meddling, over-bearing (though he now thought fondly of those attributes) friends and siblings, but he'd hurt Magnus so bad he wouldn't have blamed him if he'd pushed him away.

Thankfully he hadn't, and Alec could still feel the phantom pressure of Magnus's lips moving against his own.

He lost himself in the memory for a while, luxuriating in the happiness that had replaced the dark cloud that had been hanging over him for the past week.

He rolled over eventually; he would have been content to stay in bed the whole day but he and Magnus had made plans to meet up, and real-life Magnus was the only thing that beat dream-Magnus.

He rummaged for his phone in the suit jacket he'd discarded on the floor the previous night, wanting to check the time. How long did he have to wait before he could see Magnus again?

A tiny voice in the back of his brain admonished him for being over-eager, but it was quickly silenced by the chorus of voices squealing and cooing. They sounded scarily like Izzy.

His phone screen told him that it was 7:30 in the morning, but also that he, for some reason, had forty-six text messages?

Was his phone broken? He rarely ever received text messages, unless they were from Izzy, Magnus or Clary.

It turned out he was half right.

He had messages from Izzy, Magnus, Clary, Jace and Simon it seemed. He realised that he hadn't checked his phone since before leaving the dance. He opened his messaging app with a little trepidation. As soon as it loaded he closed his eyes briefly in silent exasperation.

There was one text from Lydia, letting him know that Lydia and Simon were home safe, and that Jace had driven her home so she could leave Alec's car at his house. He marvelled again at how kind she was. Perhaps they would become friends.

One text was from Clary, hoping that it had gone well with Magnus.

Three were from Jace, all sexual innuendos which he skimmed over, blushing as he cursed his brother.

One was from Simon, informing him that Izzy was in a state of excitement so severe that he was worried for her.

Alec didn't need Simon to tell him that.

Two texts were from Magnus but the other thirty-eight were all from Izzy; most in capitals with copious amounts of exclamation marks and her words increasingly sharp as she demanded information from him as to what had happened.

He sighed. His sister was something. He would reply to Lydia later, thanking her profusely.

He concentrated on the two from Magnus, which made his heart flip as he opened them.

One after he'd driven him back home;

 _From: Magnus 23:55_

 _[Sweet dreams, darling. Can't wait for tomorrow ;)]_

 _From: Magnus 07:16_

 _[Good morning, Alexander 3]_

He grinned and texted back immediately.

 _To: Magnus 07:32_

 _[Good morning_ _:)_ _I can't wait to see you. Why are you up so early?]_

He knew that Magnus never usually rose before midday on the weekends, part of the reason why they'd agreed to meet after lunch. But his reply was instantaneous.

 _From: Magnus 07:32_

 _[A certain someone may have plagued my dreams last night…and that someone may possibly be the motivating factor as to why I seem to be awake at this ungodly hour ;)]_

 _To: Magnus 07.33_

 _[I refuse to take the blame for that. It's not my fault you're easily distracted…]_

 _From: Magnus 07:34_

 _[Oh but it is, Alexander, It is most certainly your fault, yours and those sinful lips of yours…]_

Alec felt a thrill run through him. So this was what it was like flirting over text. No wonder Izzy and Jace were constantly glued to their phones. Normally he would be blushing and not know what to reply. But it seemed that some vestiges of confidence had lingered within him and he found himself flirting with Magnus right back. Because _he was allowed to do that now._

 _To: Magnus 07:36_

 _[Well since you're up…maybe my sinful lips and I should meet you earlier? You know, more time for…talking.]_

Magnus's reply took a few minutes this time, and Alec grinned, imagining having rendered him speechless. His reply, however, was as smooth and suggestive as ever.

 _From: Magnus 07:40_

 _[Why, Alexander. I do like the way you think. Come over after breakfast? I can't wait for our…talk ;)]_

Alec grinned. He jumped out of bed, suddenly eager to get the day going. He showered and dressed in a rush, hardly noticing which clothes he was pulling on. He had forgotten about his siblings until he was halfway into the kitchen and froze.

Izzy and Jace were both sitting at the table and staring at him wide-eyed.

"Um." Alec said. "Hi?"

He counted maybe a second or two before Izzy's scream split the air.

"Alec!"

"Yeah?" He padded over to the coffee machine, feigning innocence whilst pouring himself a cup. He turned, sipping it slowly, enjoying her impatient glare. Jace looked mildly amused, lounging back in his chair.

"If you don't tell me what happened," Izzy's voice was deadly calm, her gaze scarily intense now. "I am going to take that cup of coffee, and –"

"Alright, alright!" Alec grinned. He knew full well that Izzy did not make empty threats. He bit his lip as she hovered impatiently, half out of her chair.

"We, um…" He paused. How exactly did he phrase it? He'd never had anything to talk about romance-wise, and certainly didn't know how to talk to his siblings about it.

"Oh for god's sake Alec, are you together or not?" Izzy burst out, in frustration.

"I guess so…" He said slowly, grinning.

Izzy screamed again, just as the kitchen door opened and their parents walked in.

"Isabelle." Maryse frowned. "Please do not make that noise in my kitchen. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Alec looked down guiltily, as though she would know what Izzy had been so excited over. He quickly went to sit next to Jace, who gave him a surreptitious side grin. Izzy looked like she'd swallowed a lemon; Alec knew she was dying for all the details but wouldn't dare ask in front of their parents. He was secretly relieved for the interruption.

"So, how was the dance last night?" Maryse continued, smiling brightly at Alec. He flushed.

"It was…um…"

"Great." Jace answered smoothly. "Good music, lots of fun."

"I'm glad you kids had a good time." Robert said, sitting down at the head of the table. "And Alec, how is Lydia?"

He flushed, freezing in the act of pouring cereal. "She's good." He answered, hoping his voice sounded neutral. He ignored his mother's gaze, knowing it was on him though he couldn't see her.

"When are you seeing her again?" Maryse pressed, sounding uncannily like her daughter when she was pressing Alec for information.

"Mom, don't you think Alec wants – " Jace started, attempting to cover for him.

"Today, actually." Alec blurted out.

Jace and Izzy turned to look at him in astonishment. His mother was beaming proudly.

"Oh Alec, that's wonderful! I hope we'll get to meet her soon?"

"Um, yes…maybe."

Of course they wouldn't meet her soon. But Alec wanted his mother to stop asking questions, and he wanted to leave the house as soon as possible to see Magnus. If pretending to date Lydia would allow him to do that, so be it. He would figure out a way to 'break-up' with Lydia after.

He shovelled cereal into his mouth as quickly as possible as Maryse prattled on about meeting Lydia and how nice and accomplished her parents were. He knew that he should be more alarmed at this but his mind was elsewhere.

Izzy looked like she wanted to protest when he made his exit, but thankfully didn't say a thing.

He smiled as his phone buzzed.

 _From: Izzy 08.20_

 _[Don't think you've escaped me. You are telling me everything – AND I MEAN EVERYTHING – as soon as you get back.]_

He grabbed his jacket on the way out, his heart beating faster at the thought of seeing Magnus soon.

.

Magnus stretched luxuriously in his bed, unable to wipe the grin off his face. He still couldn't quite believe what had happened.

Alec had kissed him. KISSED HIM. Alec. Alexander. Alexander was in love with him. Had been _flirting_ with him.

He wondered what he had done in order to have been blessed with this beautiful boy.

He lost himself in thoughts of blue eyes and black hair, feeling happier than he thought he ever had been before.

He hadn't realised how much time had passed until Catarina was calling him from downstairs, saying that she could see Alec pulling up outside.

He jumped up, suddenly frantic.

He wasn't ready at all! He had planned to go all out for their first official date. Well, date-day. He'd been planning his outfit since Alec had left the previous night, but now there was no time. He grabbed a t-shirt at random and pulled it on; as much as he would have liked to go down bare-chested he thought as a new couple they should retain a little modesty around his parents.

He raced down the stairs, his heart in his throat, reaching the door before Alec knocked.

Alec looked surprised to suddenly be faced with a panting, eager messy-haired Magnus, but it was only a moment before a huge grin split his face.

"Hi." He said softly.

Magnus couldn't help himself. Alec was standing there in front of him, not twelve hours after he'd left him, smiling at him as though he were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Magnus reached out and pulled him close, leaning in to kiss him softly.

Alec made a soft noise in the back of his throat, stepping closer and placing his hands lightly on Magnus's waist.

The kiss was slow and sweet, but Magnus could feel the heat between them. He couldn't believe that he got to greet Alec like this, at last.

He wasn't sure he could have stopped, he didn't think he would ever get enough of Alec's lips on his. But they were interrupted.

""Why, hello, Alec!" Catarina's voice rang out, cheerful as ever.

Alec sprang away from Magnus, a blush immediately colouring his pale cheeks.

Magnus missed him immediately.

Catarina's eyes were dancing with mirth as she regarded the two boys.

"Magnus, were you thinking of letting Alec inside, or did you want to stand there forever?"

He shot her a sarcastic glare but held his hand out to Alec, who took it shyly.

She beamed at the sight. "It's lovely to see you again, Alec. You boys have a good day now, okay?"

She turned and went back into the kitchen, leaving them out in the hall.

"Are you alright?" Magnus asked in concern.

He was suddenly terrified that this would all be too much for Alec, that Alec had maybe wanted to keep them a secret. They hadn't spoken about anything the previous night, having been too exhilarated and distracted by each other.

But his doubts vanished as Alec squeezed his hand.

"Of course. It's just all new to me, that's all."

"If anything is too much, just tell me – "

"Magnus." Alec's gaze was bright. "It's you. Nothing is too much."

Magnus's heart swelled and he dropped his gaze to Alec's lips, wanting to kiss him again.

Alec caught his meaning and leaned in to press a chaste kiss on his mouth, pulling away before Magnus could deepen it.

"Now, as much as I like this, maybe you could go and get dressed so we can go? I knew it was too good to be true that you were awake so early." He teased.

Magnus pouted. "Fine. But you owe me." He said, glancing down at Alec's lips again.

Alec laughed. "I look forward to it."


	12. First Date

By the time Magnus deems himself ready for their date it is almost lunchtime, but Alec doesn't mind. He spent the morning with Catarina in the kitchen, drinking coffee and watching her cook.

Catarina's kitchen had always been one of his happy places. It was a lot smaller than his at home, but he liked that. It was cosy and homey; the walls painted a bright vibrant yellow and adorned with photographs of their little family. It was warm in a way that the steel appliances and marble countertops Maryse preferred never would be.

Catarina was dressed as she always was, in the sky-blue scrubs she wore at the hospital, standing out against the walls with her white hair and sunny smile. She worked so often it was unusual to see her out of them, but Alec liked it. She was passionate about her work as his mother was, but she couldn't have been more different in personality.

She was warm and relaxed and always made Alec feel at home, even more than he often did in his own house.

Sitting at the scratched wooden table with his coffee, watching her knead dough at the counter, partaking in casual, easy conversation – he felt peaceful.

He didn't mind waiting for Magnus, this had almost become a ritual whenever they had plans; Alec was chronically early and Magnus was chronically late. Alec had told him on more than one occasion that he didn't need to spend so much time on his appearance, he was beautiful anyway. (Not that he'd used the word beautiful out loud.) But he also secretly liked seeing Magnus all done-up – it was a mark of his individuality, his way of expressing himself unashamedly.

He always looked amazing, but when he walked into the kitchen that day Alec lost his breath.

He was looking understated, compared to his usual flamboyance, but the subtle details were astonishing. He was wearing black leather pants which looked as though they'd been painted onto his body, leaving very little to the imagination. He'd paired them with a V-necked shirt of dark magenta, of a material which looked both silky and ever-so-slightly translucent. The deep V showed off a considerable expanse of smooth chest upon which lay three layered gold necklaces. His eyes were outlined with black and his lips were glossy and enticing. Alec swallowed as he saw them smirk, realising Magnus hadn't missed the direction of his stare.

"Ready to go?" He drawled, slinging a jacket over his arm.

Alec nodded, quickly pushing his chair back.

They said goodbye to Catarina and left the house, Alec feeling nerves begin to pool in his stomach.

He was excited and incredibly happy too. But this was his first date – ever – and it was with Magnus.

He just hoped he didn't do anything to mess it up.

.

The drive into town passed quickly, Alec stealing side glances at Magnus more often than he'd like to admit.

But he still couldn't quite believe it.

 _He was dating Magnus._

They arrived at the restaurant Magnus had chosen; a tiny little Ethiopian-Italian fusion place that had opened fairly recently.

It was tucked away at the end of a street, and looked easy to miss, its dark front overshadowed by the bright doors of shops and cafes that surrounded it.

Alec wondered if Magnus had chosen it for that reason, wanting him to feel safe, away from anywhere too public.

He blushed as Magnus held the door open for him, his nerves building as they were seated in a dark corner of the restaurant.

There were only a few other patrons and the inside was decked out in dark wood and burgundy cushioned chairs, matching Magnus's shirt. The whole place was cosy and comfortable; Alec liked it immediately.

Though it was only lunchtime it wasn't too light out, after the unseasonable sunshine they'd had the weather seemed to be cooling down. The sky was grey and the wind chilled but the warmth inside Alec grew as Magnus seated himself across from him, smiling softly.

"So," Magnus drawled, tapping the table.

If Alec hadn't known him better, he would have succeeded in painting a suave, unaffected persona. But he did know him, and he could tell Magnus was as nervous as he was. Strangely enough this relaxed him.

"So." He echoed, returning the smile.

"This is my first date." He blurted out suddenly, flushing as he looked down.

"I know," Magnus said, smiling.

"I just – " Alec felt his nerves returning in full force. Why did he have to be so awkward? Especially _now_ , when he wanted more than anything to be cool. "I don't really know how to do this, and I…um…"

"Alec," Magnus interrupted, his voice kind. "This is me. You and me. You don't have to _do_ anything, just talk to me, like you always do. Of course, if it's not – like, if it doesn't work then we can always…"

He sounded strained and a guarded look had come into his eyes. Alec immediately felt bad.

"No! Not at all." He backtracked. "I meant what I said yesterday, Magnus." He gazed openly into his eyes.

Magnus grinned again. "What did you say yesterday? Remind me."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Magnus…"

"No, I'm serious…my memory seems to have escaped me…" He curled his fingers around his chin, in mock thought.

Alec closed his eyes.

"I love you." He mumbled, flushing again.

He jerked as something brushed his fingers, opening his eyes to see Magnus caressing them. He eyes were soft, unguarded.

"I love you too."

Alec's heart swelled.

If those were the last words he'd ever hear, he'd be happy.

"If you don't mind me asking…" Magnus began. "When did this…I mean, you never really showed an interest in…"

"Boys?" Alec grinned.

"Me." Magnus finished.

Alec bit his lip.

"When did I start liking you?"

Magnus nodded. "I'm just curious, you don't have to say, or – "

Alec felt touched. He had never seen Magnus so unsure of himself before.

"The first time I saw you." He said softly, playing with Magnus's fingers. "But I tried to ignore it, I didn't think we'd speak again after that day. But then you had to go and make those chemicals explode and I was forced to spend a week with you, in detention. After that I definitely couldn't ignore you. I couldn't say anything, but it was enough, then, to just be your friend."

He breathed out. It was strangely freeing to say these things out loud, to allow himself to tell the truth when he'd been burdening himself with lies for so long. He looked up to see Magnus with an incredulous expression on his face.

"What?"

"You've liked me since then?"

"Yes…"

Magnus shook his head, his lips tugged up at the corners ever-so-slightly.

"What?" Alec asked again.

"Oh, Alexander. Did you really think I made a mistake that day? AP Chem is the only class I never needed your help in."

Alec was confused. "So…"

"I saw you on the first day of school, Alec." Magnus leant forward, his voice low, just for the two of them. "My first thought was 'oh, I must be in heaven, because there's an angel in my class.'"

He grinned as Alec shot him a look.

"I'm serious. Then a few weeks later, I was lucky enough to be paired with said angel." Alec blushed at his second use of the nickname. "I tried talking to you, but you seemed shy…but I noticed you blushing and I wondered if maybe you were attracted to me too."

"Damn it." Alec muttered, his blush deepening.

Magnus's grin widened. "I tried to get to know you in that lesson, but it wasn't going anywhere…and it was unlikely that we'd be paired again, and I didn't want to embarrass you by asking you to be my partner…so I created a little explosion. That was the only way I could think of to spend more time with you without seeming to forward." He shrugged.

Alec's mouth was hanging open.

"You – what – "

Magnus laughed again.

"My parents grounded me for that!" Alec spluttered.

"It was worth it though, wasn't it?" Magnus winked.

Alec narrowed his eyes, but couldn't keep up the façade. He was thrilled that Magnus had liked him so much, so long ago!

"I tried to flirt with you a little in those detentions," Magnus continued. "But you didn't seem to notice. I assumed you were straight, and just shy. I decided to let it go, but by then, it was already too late. We were friends, and I needed you in my life."

He said it so simply, but his eyes focusing on the table between them betrayed his emotions.

"I needed you too." Alec said softly. "I just didn't know how to – I was so terrified of what would happen if people knew – "

"What changed?" Magnus asked.

Alec bit his lip. "A lot of things…it got harder every day, to pretend that I was okay with you dating other people."

Magnus opened his mouth to speak but Alec stopped him.

"No, it's okay. I never said anything, you didn't know. But I hated them…all of them. Irrationally, because I knew that objectively, most of them were actually nice people. But that didn't matter to me."

Now that he had started speaking he felt an overwhelming need to tell Magnus everything.

"But I could deal with it – just – until Camille." Alec pressed his lips together as he felt a wave of revulsion pass through him. "It wasn't just that you loved her, it was…it was just _her_ …I never would have liked her, even if I didn't have feelings for you. Then she broke your heart, and seeing you like that broke my heart, too."

"Alec…" Magnus said softly. "I didn't want…I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologise." Alec gave him a small smile. "You didn't know how I felt, though at that point I did wonder why…everyone else seemed to have picked up on it."

Magnus looked down again, smiling.

"I did wonder, actually, a few times. But like I said, you never showed any interest in boys…or dating at all, but well, I wanted you so much that I convinced myself I was imagining things. It would have been too good to be true if you _did_ like me, and I didn't want to let myself hope."

Alec grinned suddenly, his face lighting up.

"What is it?"

"It just…crazy, isn't it? How for all those years, we were both just so…"

"Stupid?" Magnus finished for him.

Alec nodded. "Especially me, this last week."

"Alexan-" Magnus began.

"No, really. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I guess…I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt."

"I understand that." Magnus said quietly. They sat there for a moment, gazing at each other, bathing in the relief and happiness of finally being honest.

Magnus let go of his hand as the waiter approached them, ordering several dishes for the both of them when Alec shot him a wild look over the menu. He didn't recognise any of the food, but when it came, it all looked and smelled delicious.

He told Magnus so, who smirked playfully and told Alec that he'd just need to keep on going out with him if he wanted to be introduced to more amazing food.

They were halfway through their meal when Alec's phone buzzed for the fifth time, and he turned it off in frustration.

"Do you need to get that?" Magnus asked, smiling.

"No. It's just Izzy." Alec said, glaring at his phone.

Magnus laughed. "I love your sister," he said. "But she can be a bit much. And coming from me, that's saying something."

"She can." Alec agreed, stowing his phone away.

"But you know, we do owe her quite a bit." Magnus mused. "If it weren't for her, I never would have thought it was possible that you might like me. I wouldn't have interrupted you and Lydia."

"Oh god." Alec buried his face in his hands. "Thank god for Izzy. And you."

Magnus laughed. "You are very welcome."

Their meal continued, the peaceful warmth inside Alec growing with every mouthful of delicious food, every brush of Magnus's fingers against his, every time he made Magnus laugh.

It wasn't until they were almost finished that it happened.

Magnus was midway through telling him a hilarious story that involved Will, a jumbo box of fireworks, a very angry Tessa and an ambulance, when a man walked in whom Alec recognised immediately.

He froze, food halfway to his mouth, as their eyes connected. It wasn't a man he knew very well, but he worked closely with his mother.

It was stupid, he thought after, they were only eating lunch, and Magnus had been his friend for years. Friends went out for lunch together. It was unlikely that the man even cared, or thought anything of it.

But Alec leaned away from Magnus immediately, feeling strangely as though he'd been caught out.

Magnus paused, noticing the direction of his gaze.

"Do you want to leave?" He asked, after a moment.

Alec shook himself. "N-no. It's fine."

But he could tell that it wasn't fine. He looked down, feeling guilty. He'd ruined the mood. He'd known he was going to mess it up somehow. He didn't want to look up and see the disappointment on Magnus's face. Didn't want him to think that Alec was ashamed of him. He wasn't, it was just all so new to him. Old habits die hard.

"It's okay." Magnus said. "Let's go."

He stood, putting some money down on the table despite Alec's protest, and started out of the restaurant, making no move to touch him.

"I'm sorry." Alec murmured, once they were outside. Magnus's hands were in his pockets, he seemed distant. "I didn't mean – "

"Alec, it's okay." He turned to look at him incredulously. "It's only been a day, since you – I get it, alright? I know it's not easy, and I know your parents don't – "

He stopped, reaching out to touch Alec's arm, after checking that no-one was looking at them.

"I'm not going to push you, okay? You don't need to scream your love from the rooftops." He smiled crookedly, making Alec's heart beat faster.

"Are you sure?" He asked, uncertainly.

"Well, I wouldn't stop you." Magnus cocked his head. "But really, we can take it slow. Our friends know, and that's enough for me." He looked sideways at Alec. "Our friends do know, right?"

"They do." Alec reassured him. "They practically pushed me out of the dance yesterday."

"I'll have to thank them." Magnus winked. "Now…what were you thinking? I can drop you home if you like…or…"

"Or?" Alec asked, eagerly.

Magnus grinned. "I was thinking, maybe a walk in the park? It's a little cold, but – "

"Sound's good." Alec cut him off. He felt a little more relaxed, but still guilty. He wished he _could_ shout his love for Magnus from the rooftops. Maybe one day he'd feel comfortable enough to do so…he hoped.

They stopped at a café to pick up hot chocolates to warm their hands and made their way to Raziel Park, a huge expanse of green with little paths winding around clusters of trees. The leaves were beginning to turn yellow and some lined the path, painting a perfect picture of Fall.

They were walking close together, their arms brushing, but Magnus didn't move to take his hand. The conversation was easy, comfortable, but Alec still felt vestiges of worry curl in his stomach.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, when there was a lull in conversation.

"Alec, you have to stop apologising." Magnus stopped, reaching out to touch his arm. "I know it's not easy to come out."

"But you did, and I don't want to pull you back there…"

"Alexander." Magnus's voice was firm. "I have been in love with you for over three years now. With all of you, and all of who you are. With how you make me laugh, how you study way too hard, how awkward and shy you get sometimes. I want _you_. Okay? No-one else matters. I don't mind if we have to keep it quiet for a while. I just want you to be happy."

He gazed into Alec's eyes earnestly, as though he could convey his honesty telepathically.

"I don't deserve you." Alec whispered.

Magnus opened his mouth to reply but at that moment heavy raindrops began to splash down around them. Within moments they were soaked and laughing, and Magnus pulled Alec into the nearest copse of trees for some cover.

He shook his hair out over Alec, the rain having ruined his carefully gelled spikes.

Alec retaliated by grabbing Magnus's face with his wet hands, making him squeal.

The mood changed instantly as their eyes locked, and Alec couldn't help but move his thumbs to trace Magnus's lips.

He caught the moment his breath hitched, and was drawn in to replace his thumbs with his lips, as though they were magnets who had no choice but to connect.

He kissed him softly, marvelling in the feeling of their lips moving together.

 _This is what it's supposed to feel like,_ he thought. He'd never before understood the appeal of kissing, before he'd tasted Magnus.

Magnus stood frozen before him, only kissing back until Alec moved closer, pressing their bodies together.

The rain and the cold were forgotten as electricity surged between them.

Magnus parted his lips and slid his tongue into Alec's mouth, catching his gasp as the kiss deepened.

Alec suddenly couldn't get enough of Magnus; he needed more. He kissed back with fervour, slipping his hands under Magnus's rain-sodden shirt, caressing the warm skin underneath.

Magnus made a startled noise in the back of his throat but before Alec could second-guess himself he had been pushed up against a tree.

 _This is it._ He thought dazedly. This was what he wanted for the rest of his life. To be pressed against Magnus, kissed by Magnus, touched by Magnus.

Magnus's hands were in his hair, grasping, pulling, as Alec traced over his back, his shoulder blades, feeling Magnus shiver under his touch.

He didn't care who was around, didn't care who might see; all that mattered was the two of them.

They broke apart only when the need for air became greater than their need for each other; but Alec held Magnus close when he made to move away. Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's and their breath mingled as they stood together.

Magnus grinned lazily, the satisfied gleam in his eyes echoing the one Alec knew was in his own. He couldn't help leaning forward to kiss Magnus again, to press soft pecks on his lips, his jawline, down to his throat.

" _Alec._ " Magnus breathed, as he sucked lightly on the damp skin under Magnus's jaw.

"Mmm?"

"I think…" he gasped. "That if you keep doing that, we are going to get very… _improper_ …for a public place."

Alec pulled his face away, looking flushed.

"Right." He looked guilty, and Magnus cupped his face.

"Not that I have _any_ problem whatsoever with you doing that in private."

His voice was silky and seductive, and Alec's blush deepened, to his dismay and Magnus's delight.

"Wouldn't that also be a little _improper_ for a first date?" He retorted, his voice shaky.

Magnus laughed. "You tell me! I do believe you were the one sucking on _my_ neck."

Alec froze, looking around, suddenly realising that anyone could have walked past and seen them.

"It's getting dark." Magnus said, the hint of a laugh still in his voice. "I think I should take you home before I'm tempted to find out how far down that blush goes."

Alec hit him, mortified. He wouldn't admit that he was a little turned on too, and tried not to think of where a make-out session like that could have led if they'd been somewhere private.

He followed Magnus back to the path that would take them back to his car, surprising him when he grabbed his hand, twining their fingers together.

The look Magnus gave him was worth it, Alec realised. He didn't care who saw them, or what they thought. As long as Magnus was happy.

.

Alec got home just before dinner, unable to wipe the grin off his face as he closed the door behind him.

His blood was still singing from Magnus's touch and he felt as though nothing could bring him down from his current high.

"Alec!" His mother's voice rang out as he went into the kitchen, suddenly ravenous.

"Good, you're home. I was just telling your father that I bumped into the Branwell's at the market this morning."

His heart sank. His mother, apparently, was the one thing that _could_ bring him down from his high.

"We got talking about Homecoming, how wonderfully perfect you and dear Lydia looked." Maryse beamed as he stood frozen, his arm half reached out to the refrigerator.

"I thought it would be just lovely if we all got to know each other a little better." She continued, not noticing the look of horror on her son's face. "So I invited them round to dinner this Friday."

"What?" Alec blurted out, numbly.

"Dinner. Friday. Alexander, are you alright? You look a little pale."

She paused in her stirring of the stew she was making.

"Um, yes. Fine. Ok. I'm going upstairs."

He wasn't quite sure he'd made sense but he didn't care.

"Aren't you hungry?" She called after him.

"No – not really. I'll eat later."

He escaped the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time, his heart beating hard inside his chest.


	13. This Is It

_Knock knock._

Alec jumped as the sound reverberated around his room, turning to see Izzy slip inside. The huge grin she was sporting faded when their eyes met.

"What's wrong?" She asked instantly, her voice low and sharp. "What did he do?"

"—What?" Alec was confused.

"Magnus." Izzy hissed, moving to sit beside him on the bed. She narrowed her eyes. "What happened?"

"Oh." Alec couldn't suppress a small grin. He was usually the overprotective one, but looking at Izzy now, he didn't envy Magnus if anything ever _did_ happen.

"Nothing happened. We're fine."

Izzy raised her eyebrows and Alec blushed.

"Okay…things happened." He ducked his head. "But not like that, I promise."

She exhaled, looking relieved.

"Okay. Good! What's wrong then?"

The grin slipped off Alec's face.

"Mom." He said.

He explained quickly, Izzy's expression going from understanding to worried as he spoke.

"Can't you just tell her you broke up?" Izzy suggested. "She can't argue with that."

"It's more than that." Alec sighed. "She's practically planning my wedding. It was going to be hard enough to tell her before, but now…Lydia or not, she's expecting me to date and marry a girl." He finished with his head in his hands.

Izzy placed a sympathetic hand on his knee.

"Alec. Are you only just realising this now?" She couldn't help the amusement that laced her tone.

"Of course not. I just – didn't think I'd have to deal with it so soon."

"Well, you do. And she's just going to have to deal with it too, Alec."

"I know, but – "

He paused.

"But?"

He lifted his face to look at her, his sister, for whom he was eternally grateful. She had never judged him, never treated him differently, had never expected him to be anything other than who he was. But she wasn't the only one who mattered.

"They're our parents, Iz." His voice broke. "What if they hate me for it?"

She was quiet for a moment.

"You're always going to have me, Alec. And Jace. Even if they…but I don't think they will. Honestly. Look, you don't have to tell them now, there's other ways…"

They were silent for a moment, Alec lost in the increasingly anxious thoughts that had plagued his happiness since coming home earlier that evening.

"Am I interrupting?"

They looked up to see Jace's golden head sticking around the door. Alec shook his head wordlessly as Izzy got him up to speed.

Jace nodded sagely when she was done, having come fully into Alec's room. He leaned back against the door, folding his arms.

"Can I just ask one favour, Alec?"

"Sure."

"When you marry Lydia, can I be your best man?"

Alec glared at him while Izzy threw a pillow that hit him square in the face.

"Ow! Only kidding." He winked. "But seriously though, can I be your best man when your marry Magnus?"

Alec blushed, despite himself. "Jace, I am not marrying Magnus!"

"Well not _yet_ , but when you do, I expect to be asked."

"If he's your best man, I want to be the maid of honour!" Izzy piped up, excitedly.

"Are you sure you qualify for that title, Iz?" Jace asked gravely.

This time he managed to catch the pillow she threw at him and send it back to her, grinning.

"Guys." Alec felt slightly panicked. "Before you start planning my wedding to Magnus, I have to get out of the one Mom wants to throw me!"

"Hey." Izzy said suddenly, sitting up. "Why _don't_ you marry Magnus?"

Alec looked at her, wondering if she was actually crazy. She acted it often enough.

"Izzy. We have been on exactly one date. And I am seventeen years old."

"But," she said, grinning. "If you were already married, Mom and Dad can't make you marry Lydia."

"Right!" Jace joined in. "You guys can elope! But I swear, if I'm not invited, I'm gonna make you do it again."

"Oh my god, that would be SO romantic!" Izzy squealed. "You can run away together…somewhere really cool and exotic…"

"Vegas."

"I said cool and exotic."

"Vegas is cool!"

"Vegas is tacky. They should go somewhere like…Peru!"

"Peru?"

"Sure, I can totally picture them there. We can make it a destination wedding…"

Alec watched his brother and sister bicker with a strange mixture of fondness, anxiety and actual fear that they were being serious.

He was also a little scared at how good eloping sounded to him. If only it were that easy. He hadn't been lying to Magnus, he wasn't ashamed of him or his feelings, not at all. But it would just be so much easier if he didn't have to tell anyone else. If it was just accepted as the norm. He just didn't want to face judgement for the way he felt, for the way he was. It wouldn't matter, wouldn't change anything…but he couldn't help but fear it.

He had never been that close to his parents, never had much to do with them, but he couldn't help but feel as though this would change everything. He had always felt disconnected, but in a good way. He'd never liked people knowing too many things about him. He was a private person. This was only one thing, sure…and it was by no means the most important thing about him. But he had held on to the secret for so long now that it felt as though he was baring a hugely sensitive part of himself.

His anxiety grew as Izzy and Jace moved on to debating what he and Magnus should pack when they eloped. Jace had questioned what they would do for money and Izzy was exclaiming how awesome it would be if he and Magnus became a travelling criminal couple, like Bonnie and Clyde, she said. He sat there, the clamour in his head growing, until he couldn't take it anymore. He'd come this far, he was in too deep. It wasn't going to get any better, he knew. Unless he dealt with it, head on.

He stood suddenly, his heart beating like a drum inside his chest, sharp and ominous.

He left the room with Izzy and Jace's questionable gazes on him, their voices trailing away. He heard them scramble to follow him as he descended the stairs, feeling very much like he was walking to stand in front of a firing squad.

His parents were both in the living room as per usual. A news report was on the TV but neither of them were paying attention, both engrossed in working on their laptops.

Alec sat on the edge of the sofa facing them, pressing his hands together to try and mask their trembling.

Izzy and Jace crowded into the room wild-eyed, moving immediately to sit either side of him.

Maryse raised her head to see all three of her children looking at her and frowned in confusion.

"Yes?"

Alec opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Nerves were shooting through his veins so fast he was feeling sick.

Robert stopped his typing, raising his eyebrows as Maryse pursed her lips impatiently.

"Alexander, there is a case that I must be ready to present tomorrow."

He swallowed, willing himself to calm down.

Izzy reached to grasp one of his hands, squeezing it, and on his other side Jace placed a hand on his shoulder. He knew that they must look ridiculous and that he was making it a much bigger deal than it needed to be but in that moment he was glad for them. Their presence and touch was grounding, and gave him the courage to take a deep breath and find the words he needed to say.

"Mother – "

He paused and she closed her laptop, her frown deepening.

"I – I don't think we should have dinner with Lydia's parents."

 _Good going._ He told himself. _Choose the most roundabout way of telling her, that'll make it easier._

"It's okay to be nervous Alec, but I really do think it's a good idea for us to start getting to know one another."

He took another deep breath as Izzy squeezed his hand again.

"No, no…we shouldn't have dinner with them because…because I'm not dating Lydia."

Maryse looked confused. "Alec…what are you talking about? You went to the dance together. She was your date."

 _This was going to be harder than he expected._

"Yes, yes she was." He said, lamely. He shot a desperate glance toward Izzy.

"Alec did go to the dance with Lydia, Mom. But they're just friends." She said, not taking her eyes off him. "Because…" She trailed off, giving Alec a wide open to finish the conversation.

"Because…I don't like her that way." He told his parents firmly.

Maryse sighed. "Oh, Alec. You could have just told me that." She looked mildly annoyed. "I'll cancel the dinner." She pulled her laptop lid back open, as if to signal that she was finished speaking.

Alec cursed himself internally for being so awkward.

"I – I like someone else."

"Oh?" She looked up again.

Alec noticed that throughout their whole exchange his father had just been looking at him, with an expression he couldn't decipher.

"Yes – and I'm dating…someone else."

"Well, that's lovely Alec. Are we going to meet her?"

A pang shot through him at her words. This was it.

"Um, well…you actually already know them."

He glanced at his mother but she didn't appear to have noticed his change of pronoun.

"Oh, okay. Who is it then?"

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He wondered if he might be having another panic attack; he wouldn't be surprised, with the erratic beating of his heart. He was pretty sure Izzy and Jace were the only things keeping him there in that room.

"Alec, it's okay." Izzy whispered. Jace nodded, his usually jovial eyes fierce and serious.

He closed his eyes.

"Magnus." He whispered.

He couldn't see them but the silence that followed his admittance was proof enough that they had heard him. He counted to five and opened his eyes. His mother was staring at him with an expression of pained shock frozen onto her face, while his father was frowning, not meeting his eyes.

Jace cleared his throat when the silence stretched on while Izzy glared daggers at their parents, as though daring them to disapprove.

Alec felt a mixture of pure fear and unadulterated relief rush through him at having finally voiced his secret.

"Magnus." Maryse repeated finally, after what seemed like an age. "Magnus…"

Alec forced himself to meet her eyes, lifting his chin resolutely. He saw her eyes move from his to Izzy and Jace, before settling back on him.

"I see." Was all she said, before dropping her gaze.

Alec let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding, feeling strangely as though he'd passed a test.

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, tapping a few keys on her laptop.

"Only since yesterday." He hastened to answer.

He didn't want her to think that he'd been hiding his relationship for as long as he'd known Magnus. It wasn't quite acceptance that he saw in her eyes, but there was no screaming and disowning either, and he wanted to keep it that way.

She nodded slowly.

"So…when do we get to meet him? As your…boyfriend?" She sounded only slightly pained, and Alec supposed her grimace could be taken for an attempt at a smile. He'd take what he could get.

"Um, I don't kn-"

"Actually," Izzy interrupted. "He's, um, on his way here."

"What?" Alec was astonished. "Why?"

Izzy had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Um…well, I knew what you were going to do, I thought you might want to celebrate…or need some comfort, depending on how it went…"

Alec couldn't help the wave of exasperated admiration that swept over him. It was something he was used to feeling, around Izzy.

"Depending on how it went?" Maryse sounded perturbed. "Alec, I – we – love you, I hope you know that."

He flushed, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"You just – seemed really set on Lydia and I…"

His mother shook her head.

"Alec. Look, I don't…I'm not saying that I particularly understand this." She held her hand up as both Izzy and Jace opened their mouths to interrupt her. "I won't lie. But it's not going to change how I feel about you. Okay?"

He nodded slowly, flicking his eyes to his father, whose gaze was fixed stonily on the muted TV.

Maybe it wouldn't be easy, but they were both reactions he could deal with. He felt himself relaxing, taut tension leaving his muscles.

The doorbell rang then, its harsh sound cutting through the comfortable silence that had descended.

Alec leapt up but his mother was faster. She was already opening the door as he moved to hover helplessly behind her.

Magnus was standing in front of them, an expression of mixed confusion and concern painting his face.

"Um, hello, Mrs. Lightwood. Alec – Isabelle said there was an emergency?"

His voice was controlled but Alec could sense the underlying emotion. He shot a glare at Izzy, who was standing in the doorway, trying not to smile.

"No emergency Magnus, but apparently my children don't trust me to support their life decisions." Maryse's tone was wry.

"I understand that your relationship status with my son has recently been altered?" She continued.

Magnus's expression changed to one of pure surprise and apprehension. Alec saw him take a small step back and adjust himself.

"Um…" Magnus turned to stare at Alec, apparently at a loss for what to say.

Alec smirked. Not much could render Magnus speechless. He gave him a small nod, butterflies swooping in his stomach as an unguarded combination of joy and admiration flashed across Magnus's eyes.

Magnus turned back to Maryse.

"Yes." He grinned widely. "Yes, it has."

"Well then." Maryse nodded curtly. "You are welcome in this house as long as you don't hurt him."

With that she turned and disappeared back into the living room, pausing to pat Alec somewhat awkwardly on the arm.

Alec swallowed, turning to see that Izzy and Jace had followed her example, melting off to places unknown.

Magnus cleared his throat, drawing Alec's attention back to him. He hadn't stopped grinning.

Alec moved forward, drawn to him. He couldn't help it. In a small part of his mind he noted that it was sort of ridiculous – he had spent the whole day in Magnus's company. But that tiny voice was silenced as he relaxed into Magnus, his heart leaping with joy as Magnus's arms slipped around his waist.

They just stood for a moment in their embrace, breathing each other in, enjoying the peace that came with simply being together.

"So." Magnus murmured, into his ear. "You told them."

It was a statement not a question, but Alec nodded against his shoulder.

"I told them." His breath tickled Magnus's neck and he leaned in to brush a soft kiss there too.

He felt Magnus shiver against him and drew back so he could see his face. His eyes were soft and dark, his fingers locked around Alec's waist, holding him close.

"You didn't have to, Alec. Not so soon. Not for me."

His eyes searched Alec's, worry sparking in them.

"I wanted to." Alec said simply. "I want everyone to know."

He brought his hand up to caress the back of Magnus's neck, noting how reminiscent they were of their first kiss. He couldn't believe that only a day had passed since then. He felt a wave of happiness wash over him. He never would have imagined that things would have turned out this way.

"You're worth it." He stated, his voice full of wonder. His eyes roved over Magnus's face, drinking in his features.

Magnus answered by closing the distance between them and capturing Alec's lips in a kiss that was both soft and searing at the same time.

Alec let his eyelids flutter closed, feeling the now familiar fire ignite between them. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, marvelling at the incomparable feeling of Magnus's lips against his own.

Oh yes, _this is it._


	14. Epilogue

Christmas day dawned bright and cold but Alec felt only warmth as he picked up his phone, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

 _From: Magnus, 07.15_

 _Merry Christmas, Alexander._

Alec couldn't help a grin from spreading across his face as he read the text.

He and Magnus had been dating for over two months now, but the butterflies that danced in his stomach every time he got a text from Magnus hadn't disappeared. He didn't think they ever would.

Magnus had developed a habit of waking up early, usually before Alec, so that Alec would wake up to a text from him.

Alec still couldn't believe his luck.

He hadn't even been sure, before Homecoming, if he would ever manage to find the courage to come out. Now, not only had he done that, but he had somehow been blessed with the most incredible boyfriend ever.

 _To: Magnus, 07.58_

 _Merry Christmas, Magnus. I can't wait until tonight._

He tapped out a quick response before jumping out of bed, shivering as the frigid air caressed his skin.

He pulled his clothes on quickly, choosing his warmest socks and a black woollen sweater. He was just closing his closet as his door banged open, Izzy flying into the room.

"You are not wearing that." She said, frowning, her hands on her hips. "Alec. It's Christmas day."

"Um, yeah. Which means I'm allowed to wear what I want." He countered.

Izzy had been dressing him far too often, as of recent. She seemed to think that every date he had with Magnus required her style input. He would have put his foot down by now, but he secretly enjoyed the looks Magnus gave him whenever he made a little more effort, thanks to her.

"Wrong!" She sang, darting back out of his room. She was back after a few moments, with a shoddily wrapped package in her arms.

"It is Christmas, so you are required to wear whatever I buy you. That's a rule." She winked, shoving the present into his arms.

"We're not supposed to open presents until after breakfast." Alec protested, weakly. He knew she would make him open it anyway.

She clicked her tongue.

"And that, dear brother, is why you will be receiving _two_ presents from your favourite sister today!"

"You're my only sister." He deadpanned.

"Did I say sister? I meant sibling."

"Don't push it."

She grinned as he sighed, ripping through the wrapping paper.

Hmm. It wasn't too bad - that was his first thought. It was a knitted jumper of dark brown wool, he could live with that. His heart sank as he opened it up to reveal a big red bobble sown onto the centre and _antlers_ sticking out from the shoulders.

Izzy giggled at his distraught expression.

" _Izzy._ Magnus can't see me in this! Its – its – _3-D._ "

She laughed, sitting next to him and throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"Oh, my dear sweet brother. Magnus is so stupidly in love with you that you can literally wear anything and he would not care." She sighed. "You are so lucky – don't let him go."

Alec blushed. "I don't intend to." He mumbled.

He quickly changed his comfortable, worn black sweater for the reindeer monstrosity, knowing that Izzy wouldn't let up until he did. She grinned and he rolled his eyes, but couldn't fight his small smile.

Ten minutes later they were all downstairs and Alec was feeling a little less ridiculous; Izzy had changed into a glittery golden sweater with a huge red bow sown onto the front and had forced Jace into a white snowman jumper complete with a carrot nose sticking out of it. His golden hair was in disarray and Alec couldn't suppress his grin at his brother's disgruntled expression.

The day passed slowly and lazily, as they ate, opened presents and enjoyed each other's company. It was the one day of the year that Maryse allowed herself to truly relax; and even Robert smiled at Alec.

They hadn't really spoken since Alec's confession, but that wasn't out of the norm. He wasn't very involved in the lives of any of his children. Alec knew that he didn't like his relationship with Magnus, but was thankful that he at least kept his opinions to himself.

It was, in short, a wonderful Christmas. But Alec couldn't help but wish it away.

Every year the Lightwoods threw a Christmas party, inviting all of their closest friends, colleagues and neighbours. It was traditionally a horrific event for Alec, as he had to pretend to be interested in the daughters of his parents work friends and try to keep Izzy and Jace from getting too drunk and doing something stupid. But this year, he couldn't wait for it. This year, Magnus was invited.

He felt increasingly jittery as the day passed; they'd decided not to text each other in order to spend uninterrupted time with their families. Alec wouldn't admit it, but each moment that passed he missed Magnus more.

Finally evening came, and guests began to arrive.

Alec's head snapped up every time the doorbell rang and was teased mercilessly by Izzy and Jace for it.

"You're gonna pull a muscle, Alec." Jace joked.

Alec just glared at him. It was alright for him, and for Izzy. Clary and Simon had arrived already. What was taking Magnus so long? He checked his watch impatiently.

8.04 pm.

Magnus had said he'd be there by 8.

The five of them had claimed a corner of the spacious lounge, in which the furniture had been cleared for guests to mingle. Most of them were milling around the kitchen and dining room however, so they felt comfortable lounging in a circle on the floor.

Clary had teased Jace about his fluffy snowman jumper, but Alec caught the soppy look in her eyes as she sneaked glances at him.

Simon had spluttered and turned red as Izzy had asked him if he wanted to 'unwrap' her.

Alec would have felt as though a warning was needed, but Simon had seemed sufficiently deterred by the twin death glares he and Jace had shot him. He had sat down next to Izzy, but made sure to leave at least a foot of space between them. Alec observed with humour the worried glances he intermittently shot at himself and Jace. Good. Izzy had never made the big brother thing easy for them. At least now she'd chosen a boyfriend whom they could intimidate into abstinence (or so he would tell himself).

The doorbell rang again, but it was only their next door neighbours. Alec shook himself and tried to follow the conversation.

The doorbell rang a few more times but he ignored it. He was itching to text Magnus but forced himself to restrain; he knew that Izzy was watching him and didn't want to justify her knowing glance.

Jace was busy regaling them all with a story Alec was pretty sure involved the taking of highly illegal substances – he wasn't really paying attention, but he wasn't sure how legal substances led to one stripping off all one's clothing and running through the streets with a pair of antlers strapped to one's head.

Jace had been lucky that he'd been on a football trip to New York, and had somehow managed to find his way back to the hotel before any teachers had realised that he was missing.

Alec was marvelling at his brother's ability to narrowly evade trouble when he felt a tugging on the antlers attached to his shoulders. Warm breath tickled his ear, making his breath quicken and his stomach swoop.

"Alexander." It whispered. "What on earth are you wearing?"

He whipped round, not bothering to temper the wide grin that split his face.

Magnus.

He grabbed the lapels of Magnus's coat and dragged him down, feeling the tension evaporate from his body as soon as their lips touched.

Magnus made a small noise in the back of his throat, the one he always made when he was both surprised and pleased of Alec initiating their kisses. He slid his hand around the back of Alec's neck, deepening the kiss despite the awkward angle. He would have been quite happy to have continued, had not one of their friends wolf whistled.

"Get a room!" Jace called.

Alec pulled away, a light blush staining his cheeks.

It was all Magnus could do not to kiss him again.

"Izzy made me wear it." He mumbled, in response to the question.

He grinned. "You look adorable, Alexander."

"Told you!" Izzy sang.

Alec flushed some more, trying to ignoring the way his heart beat faster whenever Magnus called him by his full name.

Magnus straightened up.

"Did someone say…party?" He asked airily.

He reached into the plastic bag he was carrying and with a flourish, drew out a bottle of vodka.

Izzy and Clary whooped, high-fiving.

"Where did you get that?" Jace appraised him, looking impressed.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, dear Jonathon!" Jace's eyes narrowed at the use of his full name.

"You probably don't want to know." Will had come into the room, followed by Jem and Tessa. "If anyone asks, you can plead ignorance." He winked.

"I was against this." Tessa volunteered.

" _I_ didn't hear you protesting." Will said slyly.

"Because you and Magnus had already gone racing off!" But she was smiling as she chastised him.

Magnus shrugged his coat off and sat down gracefully, pulling Alec down beside him.

"We know you mean well Tessie, but we also know that you will join us in drinking this."

She hit on the arm but grinned ruefully, joining the circle.

"Now." Magnus said, his eyes flickering devilishly. "Who's up for Never Have I Ever?"

Alec and Simon immediately protested, both catching the gleam in Izzy's eyes. He supposed that Simon too, did not wish to hear of Izzy's explicit escapades, at least from before they had gotten together. Alec didn't want to know any of them.

They were, however, grossly outnumbered as the rest of the group cheered at the suggestion.

Will produced shot glasses for each of them and the game began, everyone raising a hand, fingers splayed out.

"Oldest first!" Alec shot in, hastily.

"That means Magnus." Simon countered.

Magnus grinned, kissing Alec on the cheek.

"I will happily allow Alexander to go first."

Alec suppressed a shiver. Why did Magnus have to make everything sound so sinful? Not that he was complaining, but he was sure that he wouldn't be able to sneak him upstairs, not with all the people currently in his house. He swallowed.

"Right. Never have I ever…" he looked directly at Jace. "Run naked down a New York street."

Jace grinned, putting a finger down. "Right Alec, if that's how you want to play it…you're on!"

Alec just smiled at him sweetly.

It was Magnus's go next.

"Never have I ever…" he drawled, casting his gaze slyly around their circle. "Fallen for a friend."

There was a collective grumble as all but two of them put fingers down.

"Hey! What about you guys?" Simon asked, pointing at Jace and Clary.

"We weren't friends when we got together!" Clary protested.

"Yeah." Jace winked.

"Hmm. Fine."

Next was Will, on Magnus's other side.

"Never have I ever had a crush on a teacher."

Jace glared at him as he put another finger down, before turning to grin sheepishly at Clary, who had narrowed her eyes.

Alec didn't miss that both Izzy and Magnus had put fingers down too.

"It was a passing fancy." Magnus whispered in his ear.

When it got to Jace's turn he had only one finger left. Izzy wasn't doing much better with two, Magnus also had three, to everyone's surprise, and everyone else had put only one finger down.

"Never have I ever…kissed a boy." His eyes gleamed devilishly as he directed it at Alec, who put another finger down before turning to peck Magnus on the lips.

To his surprise, everyone except for Jace also put a finger down.

"Simon! When was this?" Izzy's eyes were wide.

"It was…um…" he flushed a deep red, as Clary giggled from across the circle. "Junior high."

He darted a glance at his girlfriend. "Is that ok?"

She laughed out loud, throwing her head back. "Of course, you idiot! I'm just surprised, that's all. Right, my turn!"

She grinned round the circle, her gaze landing on Jace.

"Never have I ever… skipped school because I was hungover."

"You're evil." Jace stated, putting his last finger down. "No-one else?!"

"We can handle our liquor." Magnus said, grinning. He reached for the bottle of vodka and poured out a shot, sliding it across to Jace.

He saluted them before knocking it back with practiced ease, only the hint of a grimace on his face.

The rest of the game passed in a similar way, Clary calling it to an end after Jace swallowed his fifth shot.

Izzy was three down, tied with Will and Magnus, while everyone else had taken one.

Magnus pulled Alec to his feet after Clary had dragged Jace off to the kitchen, telling him that she wasn't going to clean up if he puked.

"That was interesting." Alec said, curling his hand into Magnus's. "There were more than a few things there I wasn't aware of."

Magnus grinned sheepishly. "Will and I were wild thirteen year olds."

"I don't envy Tessa."

"You can't really blame me. I didn't have you to distract me, back then."

Alec blushed at the intense look in his boyfriend's eyes.

They drifted away from their friends, following Jace and Clary to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

It was empty, surprisingly. His parents and most of their friends were in the dining room, and he supposed that Jace was either throwing up or making out with Clary in some secluded corner.

Alec started toward the table but Magnus grabbed his hand, pulling him round.

His eyes were dark and intense as he pulled them against one of the counters.

"I missed you." He murmured, his gaze flicking from Alec's eyes to his lips.

Alec swallowed, butterflies dancing in his stomach. He placed his hands on Magnus's hips, stepping closer.

"I missed you too."

Magnus's mouth curved into a rueful smile.

"I think," he said, reaching a hand up to brush Alec's jaw, sending shivers running through him. "That we are becoming one of those sickening couples whose friends despise them."

"We don't need any friends." Alec knew his voice sounded breathless, but he couldn't have cared less – not when Magnus was pressed up against him, his lips only an inch away.

"No we do not." Magnus whispered.

He leaned forward, his lips brushing Alec's softly.

Alec shivered, his eyes fluttering closed. Magnus pulled back infinitesimally, his fingers reaching to caress Alec's cheek.

He opened his eyes, gazing into Magnus's.

"Will you go to Prom with me?"

Magnus's eyebrows rose.

"You don't need to ask me, Alec. That's kind of a given, when you're dating."

"I know, but I wanted to, officially. The last time didn't go so well…"

Magnus laughed. "But it worked out okay in the end." His eyes sparkled.

"So…is that a yes?"

Magnus grinned, his whole face lighting up. He leaned in to press a quick kiss on Alec's mouth.

"Of course it's a yes. For you, Alec, It's always yes."

Alec kissed him again, hard and enthusiastic, pressing him into the kitchen counter. Magnus's hands slipped into his hair, grasping and pulling softly as Alec's tongue probed his lips. He opened his mouth, gasping as Alec's tongue slid against his.

They got lost in each other, forgetting that there were many, many people in the house at that moment and any of them could walk in.

"Ahem."

A little cough broke them apart, their heads whipping round.

Robert stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking embarrassed.

Alec sprang away from Magnus, his face flushing a deep red.

"Um, dad…we…we were just…"

"Your mom sent me to get more champagne." He interrupted, motioning to the table behind them.

Alec just nodded as his father collected the bottles, frozen where he stood.

Robert paused on his way out, looking back at them.

"Um…you boys have a good evening."

Alec was still frozen after he left, his eyes wide in shock and horror.

Magnus suppressed a grin, moving to take his boyfriends hands.

"Hey. Alec."

Alec heaved a huge sigh, shaking his head.

"That." He whispered. "Was the most _mortifying_ event in my _whole life._ "

Magnus laughed. "You know, I think he's getting used to this." He motioned between the two of them. "He actually shook my hand when I got here."

"He did?" Alec couldn't help sounding sceptical. He didn't think he'd ever heard his father even saying Magnus's name. He always called him 'that boy'.

"Mmhmm." Magnus rubbed soothing circles on his palm. "It's a Christmas miracle."

"Christmas and alcohol." Alec corrected, shaking his head.

"Come on." Magnus laughed, tugging Alec's hand. "Let's go see what trouble the others have gotten into.

Alec just nodded, working on making his blush recede.

"Alec!"

They turned to see Lydia slip out of the dining room, holding the hand of a tall, handsome boy with light brown hair.

He smiled, happy that she'd been able to make it. He'd become fairly close friends with her since Homecoming, and genuinely liked seeing her.

"Hey, Lydia. How are you?" He was grateful for the distraction.

"I'm great, thanks!" She looked shyly up at the boy standing next to her, following Alec and Magnus's questioning gazes.

"This is John. We were friends in middle school, we'd just started dating when his dad's company relocated to Portugal. It's been years, but he'd just moved back here." She smiled, her eyes bright. John met her eyes, grinning back.

"I've heard a lot about you both." He addressed to Alec and Magnus. "It's nice to meet you."

Alec felt a wave of happiness for Lydia. She'd been so good to him, now she deserved to be happy too.

They made their way back into the living room, finding that in their absence, all chaos had broken loose. The bottle of vodka had been emptied, and Jace had sneaked champagne and rum out of the kitchen, taking advantage of the inebriated states of most of the adults in attendance.

He also seemed to have succeeded in getting Clary drunk, a feat for which Alec was sure Jocelyn would make him pay for later.

Even Simon was tipsy, his voice louder than usual and bright spots of red colouring his cheeks.

"Hey! Its's Alec and Magnus! You guys found us! We've been looking for you!"

"A great job you were doing, Samuel. I take it you started looking in the bottle of vodka?"

"Hahahaha! You're funny! Hey guys – Magnus is so funny!" Simon grabbed Izzy from where she was dancing with Tessa and Clary.

"Magnus has always been funny!" Izzy slung her arm round him. "He needs to be, to balance out my dear serious brother!"

"How much have you had to drink?" Alec ignored her comment, casting an eye over the empty bottles around them.

"Not nearly enough! Hey!" She let go of Magnus, waving her arms to get everyone's attention. "I've got such a great idea! We should have a shot contest!"

"No, we really shouldn't." Alec tried to say, but was drowned out by Jace's gasp.

"We should totally have a shot contest!"

"Yes!" Izzy high-fived him. "Couples against couples!"

Magnus bit his lip, grinning.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. We'll go and get some more for us all to drink, ok?"

He turned to Alec and gestured toward the sliding doors that led to the garden.

"Wow." Alec said, when they were outside.

"Mom and dad are going to kill them tomorrow."

"For us, it is rather entertaining though." Magnus glanced back inside, to where they could see Simon and Izzy facing Clary and Jace, a row of shot glasses laid out between them. Will seemed to be officiating, gesturing wildly between sips of his own drink.

"I'm just glad I don't share a bathroom with either of them." Alec laughed. He took Magnus's hand, pulling him away from the house, deeper into the garden.

It was cold, the frozen grass crunching beneath their shoes and their breath curling white in the air around them. But Magnus's hand was warm in his, a crescent moon was hanging low in the sky and there was nowhere else that Alec would rather be.

They stopped beneath a tree, gazing back toward the house.

Music tinkled faintly and Christmas lights glowed but other than that, it was quiet, and dark.

Alec felt Magnus's arms slide around his waist, pulling him flush against his body. He shivered from the juxtaposition of Magnus's warmth and the frigid air around them. He sighed and leaned back into him.

Magnus dropped his head onto Alec's shoulder, turning slightly to nose his neck.

"What are you doing?" Alec tried not to sound too breathless.

"Smelling you." Magnus replied, nosing him.

Alec grinned. "I smell boring." He thought idly of the cologne Izzy had bought him for Christmas, sitting unused back up in his room. He would have to try it out sometime.

"You smell like home." Magnus whispered, his breath tickling Alec's skin.

The shiver that ran through Alec this time, had nothing to do with the cold.

He turned in Magnus's arms, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"With you, I am home." He said simply.

Magnus's eyes burned with raw emotion; and Alec was sure his looked the same.

They met in the middle, unable to resist the magnetic pull toward each other.

Alec sighed as Magnus's lips met his, revelling in their softness, in the sweet taste of Magnus that he craved.

He melted against him, until there was no air between them.

This was where he belonged.


End file.
